July 26, 2007 – 11:47 AM by Syd Lexia

      Yes, it’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, better known as That Thing On The Site That Roughly Nine People Read. FWSE is a recurring site feature where I review some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into various search engines. This FWSE report is for two week period beginning July 8th and ending July 21st. As always, these are all real searches.

1. lets fuck board games – You’d be better off fucking a person.

2. pictures of lauren conrad and stephen coletti together now 2007 – How about no?

3. jeff goldblum foot fetish – I’ve never heard anything about Jeff Goldblum having a foot fetish, but I know he definitely had a cheating-on-Geena-Davis fetish.

4. clarissa expalins it all – Few people remember Monty Python’s long lost “Dead Michael” sketch which featured John Cleese as Mr. Praline, Eric Idle as Shop Owner, and a very dead Michael Palin…

Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that Palin when I got him home, and I discovered the only reason that he had been sitting on his perch in the first place was that he had been NAILED there.
Owner: Well, of course he was nailed there! If I hadn’t nailed that man down, he would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent ‘em apart with his teeth, and VOOM!
Mr. Praline: VOOM?! Mate, this man wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts through him! He’s bleedin’ demised!
Owner: No no! He’s pining!
Mr. Praline: He’s not pining! He’s passed on! This Palin is no more! He has ceased to be! He’s expired and gone to meet his maker! He’s a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed him to the perch, he’d be pushing up the daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! He’s off the twig! He’s kicked the bucket, he’s shuffled off this mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PALIN!!

5. i like to go swimming with bow legged women and swim between their legs – Who doesn’t?

6. naked hentai – Seeing as your search was not just for hentai but naked hentai, I bet I can guess your age. Little boy, I imagine you are going to be sufficiently traumatized by what the pictures you eventually find.

7. are you afraid of the nickelodeon – Why the fuck would I be afraid of Nickelodeon?

8. 100 greatest video games of all time – Oddly enough, every single one of the 100 greatest video games of all-time each starts the letter P: Pong, Pac-Man, Pitfall, Paperboy, Phantasy Star Online, Pirates, uh… PimCity, Puper Mario Bros., uh…. uh… Preakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, Pontra PPP: Phe Plien Pars…. Well, you get the fucking idea.

9. lara croft transvestite – That is not something that I would ever want to see under any circumstances. If my choices were “Hey, look at this guy dressed as Lara Croft” or “Die motherfucker!”, I would most definitely choose death.

10. i demand more syd lexia comics – I’ll get on that. But in the future, why not try e-mail?

11. fucking otto the bus driver simpsons porn – I wish to God that someone would be able to block out the voices in my head for five minutes, the voices that scream, over and over again: “Why do they come to me to die? Why do they come to me to die?”

12. erin esurance humping stuff – Instead of a coherent response, here’s an unrelated pun:

13. what’s the best ocarina flute – The Ocarina of Time. Like, duh.

14. a link to the past guideCLICK HERE.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

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