Archive for August, 2005
August 30, 2005 – 6:46 PM by Syd Lexia

Due to inclement weather, Part 19 of the NES Drinking Saga has been postponed. You can read the 100% true story of this unfortunate rain delay somewhere on the site. Can you find the link?

August 28, 2005 – 7:03 PM by Syd Lexia

      For the first time ever,’s overall Alexa ranking is under 100,000. I have been pulling in well under 100,000 as my weekly ranking for a few weeks now and now it is finally reflected in my overall ranking. Why is this a big deal? Well, here is what Alexa has to say about their statistics:

Generally, Traffic Rankings of 100,000+ should be regarded as not reliable because the amount of data we receive is not statistically significant.

      So yeah, I’m pretty psyched about this. The number of sites currently more popular than mine (97,117) is a number I can almost visualize. For anyone who cares, here are my Alexa rankings going back to May 9th, when I finally had the presence of mind to start recording them. Alexa rankings are generally usually updated twice per week:

2,873,346 – 5/09/05
2,873,517 – 5/12/05
2,411,400 – 5/15/05
1,986,744 – 5/19/05
1,991,796 – 5/22/05
1,136,126 – 5/26/05
882,922 – 5/30/05
606,951 – 06/02/05
489,413 – 06/06/05
416,006 – 06/09/05
385,888 – 06/11/05
366,077 – 06/12/05
318,209 – 06/17/05
275,038 – 06/23/05
263,116 – 06/27/05
237,894 – 06/30/05
224,332 – 07/03/05
206,311 – 07/07/05
190,973 – 07/10/05
181,772 – 07/14/05
172,896 – 07/18/05
157,203 – 7/24/05
154,015 – 7/28/05
149,542 – 7/31/05
145,622 – 8/04/05
137,693 – 8/07/05
129,367 – 08/11/05
122,825 – 08/14/05
112,172 – 08/18/05
101,752 – 08/25/05
97,118 – 08/28/05

Thank you to everyone who made this possible, especially my regular posters. You rock.

August 25, 2005 – 5:46 PM by Syd Lexia

      First of all, Part 18 of the NES Drinking Saga is up on the Comics page. Secondly, it’s time for your weekly dosage of FWSE. As always, these are real keywords that visitors to the site typed into search engines. This report spans the week of August 14 – August 20. Let’s begin:

1. i hate nes battletoads – The game is frustratingly hard, yes. But it always kept you coming back for more.

2. who did the evil laugh on michael jackson thriller – That would be Vincent Price. Maybe you ought to familiarize yourself with, one of the best online music resources there is. That, or you could have bought the album and looked at the goddam liner notes. Say what you will about Wacko Jacko, but Thriller fucking kicks ass.

3. kristen cavalleri college decision – Why, are you stalking her? Are you going to pick what college you go to based on what Kristin picks? Or is your life just so sad that you genuinely care where some reality star goes to school? Either way, you should probably kill yourself. NOW.

4. mtv destroyed the music industry – The only thing that MTV destroyed was itself. MTV’s lack of music-related programming as well as their heavily playlisted video shows have rendered them almost obsolete within the music industry. With the rise of internet sites like MySpace, bands are able to find potential fans and music lovers are able to find new bands that might interest them; MTV has falled to the wayside. MTV was a good idea, but they totally sold out after grunge self-destructed in the mid-90s. Bring back all videos all the time and fuck the reality shit.

5. how come wwe programs sucks these days – Because over the last several years Vince decided to hire a bunch of Hollywood writers who know a hell of lot more about sitcoms than they do about wrestling. A lot more time is spent developing storylines and onscreen personalities than is spent planning matches that are actually entertaining to watch. The only truly worthwhile thing the WWE has produced in recent memory is the ECW One Night Stand PPV.

6. arnold cumming gym – Fucking gross, dude. That was totally uncalled for.

7. fight his geriatric father – I have no idea what this person was looking for, but when you search for those words as a string, my Street Fighter article is the only result. Score!

And we’re done. Go away. Then come back. Later.

August 22, 2005 – 12:27 PM by Syd Lexia

Teh Syd Forums are now open. I’ll probably find some more changes to make over the coming weeks, by they’re up and they work. So have fun with that.

      The forums that I promised a few weeks ago are almost done. Once I make a few more stylistic modifications, I’ll link to them. You might even find them before that if you’re somewhat clever. But in the meantime, let’s recap the week starting August 7 and ending August 13 in typical FWSE style. As always, FWSE chronicles real queries that visitors to my site typed into respectable search engines. The showcased searches generally range from stupid to oh-my-god-how-can-anyone-with-a-computer-possibly-be that-fucking-stupid, but I’ve been know to throw in a few intelligible queries from time to time. Got it? Now let’s see those keywords!

1. hot ninja chick kiss explode mortal kombat – If you’ve played anywhere near as many video games as I have, then you know that this search refers to a classic Kitana fatality. But the reason that I brought up these keywords is because I offer a pay service called Naming Your Emo Band and Hot Ninja Chick Kiss Explode is a prime example of a good emo band name. At the very least, it’s better than The Early November.

2. streets of rage 2 game – Including the word game in this search was a masterful stroke indeed. Without game, you might have gotten results for the Streets of Rage 2: The Movie, not to mention the Streets of Rage Series 2 pogs and all fifteen graphic novels that were based on the game. There are so very, very many products that bear the Streets of Rage 2 name that it was downright necessary to include game in the search in order to find info on the Sega game. Well done. </sarcasm>

3. fairly oddparents hentai – Let’s assume for a minute that this were indeed a cartoon pr0n site. Even if this were the case, I still wouldn’t fucking stock pics of midgets with big heads and floaty crowns fucking. That’s disgusting on about seventy-two distinct levels. The only thing that would be more disgusting would be Dexter’s Lab or Powerpuff Girls hentai.

4. kristin cavalleri – My highly patronizing and highly inaccurate Laguna Beach transcript is already paying off… SUCKERS!!!

5. jenny lewis salute your shorts – No, no, no. Let’s clear up a few things here once and for all. Take notes, because I probably won’t repeat any of this for at least a month or two:

  1. Jenny Lewis was never on Salute Your Shorts
  2. Donkeylips (Michael Bower) is not a member of Rilo Kiley
  3. Budnick (Danny Cooksey) is not a member of Rilo Kiley
  4. Ronnie Pinskey (Blake Soper) *is* in Rilo Kiley. He now goes by Blake Sennett.
  5. Jenny Lewis was in The Wizard with Fred Savage.
  6. Jenny Lewis is in Rilo Kiley.
  7. Rilo Kiley is still together.

6. drinking warm soda – endorses drinking warm soda. However, Syd Lexia personally recommends that the soda in question isn’t twenty years old.

7. show clips about mario take off his shirt and his pants and let princess peach suck his penis – That’s it.
That’s enough. I quit. I fucking quit. Game over. FWSE over. Go away.


August 16, 2005 – 11:54 AM by Syd Lexia

      I was going through some boxes of old papers earlier and I found a fake ad booklet I made for no apparent reason back in 1996. It was called The Psycho Pages and as you can see, it has sustained some water damage. I think it’s still kind of funny, so I may scan and restore the entire booklet for your viewing pleasure. It wouldn’t take too much effort since it’s only 10-12 pages long. Below are scans of two of the pages, click on either one to see a larger version of it.

      As you can see, my sense of humor has evolved greatly since then. It has become far more subtle and complex. OK, so it really hasn’t. But I swear more.

August 15, 2005 – 6:16 PM by Syd Lexia

      A new comic is up featuring my barely fictitious exploits during a recent tax holiday. If you didn’t already click the link above, you can find it on the Comics page.

August 12, 2005 – 9:23 PM by Syd Lexia

      So almost the end of the week and there’s still not an FWSE report up for *last* week. You probably think lazy ol’ Syd has forgotten about it, don’t you? Well, you’re wrong, because you just happen to be reading the Fun With Search Engines report for July 31st – August 6th. Who’s the asshole now? Oh wait, it’s still me. As always, these are real searches that visitors to my site typed into search engines. I don’t know who should be more embarrassed, me or them. Let’s get this over with:

1. gay bodybuilders can’t fight – My first inclination is that this query is a plant, but I can’t prove it. I don’t know why the fuck someone would look this up; everyone knows gay bodybuilders can’t fight.

2. streets of rage interesting – Most people don’t realize that if you include the word interesting in your search query, the engine will automatically filter out boring results. Of course, the reason most people don’t realize it is because I just made it up.

3. waler oct cobra pooter – At first, I thought this was German. As it turns out, they’re enemies from Hudson’s Adventure Island. I must be slipping. If I ever forget what a Goomba or a Koopa is, feel free to shoot me in the face.

4. you should not drink and bake – It’s true, and you can thank Mr. Schwarzenegger for that lovely piece of advice. Arnold knows his shit; that’s why he’s governor of California.

5. princess peach porn – Sometimes I wish I really did run a video game hentai site. Nerds everywhere are chomping at the bit to see naked pics of Princess Peach, Samus Aran, Jill Valentine, and Chun Li, so I could make an assload of money.

6. donkey lips – His fucking name is Donkeylips, you stupid fuck. Read the goddam Salute Your Shorts article and educate yourself.

7. worst nes gamesThe Worst NES Games That People Actually Played is easily one of my favorite articles that I’ve done to date. I am very surprised at the complete and total lack of hate mail that I’ve received over this article. Somewhere out there’s got to be at least one Skate or Die fan plotting my demise.

Well, that it’s for now. If any of you are on that super trendy MySpace site, feel free to add Syd Lexia to your friends list. Or don’t. Whatever.

Part 17 of the NES Drinking Saga is now up on the Comics page. So that’s good, I guess. I tried to add clickable smileys to the comment post form, but apparently the mod I applied only effects the form that I used to post news entries. WTF?

August 10, 2005 – 10:49 PM by Syd Lexia

      In the Spring Cleaning Crapstravaganza, I said that my stuffed Bumblelion toy was thrown out long ago; I was wrong. I recently found him in a box in the attic. Sadly, after all that time in the storage, he just wasn’t the same. After seeing what the world had become since the 1980s, my Wuzzle friend quietly took his life. Bumblelion, I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend and I hope you’re in a better place. Peace.

      In other news, an article on a book called The Mystery of Scented Mountain is up. You may enjoy it.

Peter Jennings was the real deal.
July 29, 1938 – August 7, 2005

      This site isn’t really about celebrity obits or current events on here, but I’ll make an exception for Peter Jennings. He was a great reporter who led an absolutely inspiring life. He brought people news for five decades and rose to the top of his profession through hard work, determination, and lots and lots of field reporting. And from 1983 until his leave of absence in April of this year, Jennings anchored ABC’s World News Tonight. Growing up in the 80s, he was always my favorite anchor; his delivery was charismatic and effortless. It never occured to me that he would lose his battle with lung cancer, I took it for granted that he’d recover and live to be as old and cranky as Andy Rooney. It’s a damn shame that didn’t happen. Rest in peace, good sir.
      I really wish Dan Rather had broken the story of Peter Jennings’ death; then it would have turned out to be an inaccurate and embarrassing lie. Sorry, that was in bad taste.

August 4, 2005 – 11:15 PM by Syd Lexia

      Well, the forums still aren’t up and the latest article still isn’t quite done, but I’m back with yet another installment of Fun With Search Engines. As always, these are real queries that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report covers the week starting 7/24 and ending 7/30.
1. poison 80s rock band – Dear God, I seem to have stumbled upon a secret internet plot to kill Night Ranger with cyanide pills. FUCK! That, or this person was searching for information on an actual 80s rock band called Poison who kicked all kinds of ass. Personally, I think the cyanide plot is more plausible.

2. ninja costume pattern how to – What the fuck? How goddam hard is it to make a ninja costume? Buy a black sheet. Wrap yourself in it. Abraca-fucking-dabra, you’re a ninja.

3. who can beat ryu – Anyone, if you’re good enough. Ken and Akuma are both much cooler anyway.

4. ninja boss giant jump throw – Again with the goddam ninjas. You know, before the internet existed, ninjas were cool. Now inbred retards who can barely string together a sentence throw around the word ninja like it’s a frisbee in the campus quad.

5. moonwalker michael sega penis – To the best of my knowledge, Sega has never made a game with cock in it aside from Amy Rose Hentai Adventure Plus. And since I just made that last one up, that brings the grand total of X-rated Sega games to ZERO. However, I think Sega Penis is my new favorite phrase.

6. transcripts laguna beach mtv – Since this search came up again, I’ve decided to provide a complete transcript of the entire series. Enjoy.

    Lauren Conrad: I hope watching my life makes you feel bad about your own pathetic existence!
    Kristin Cavallari: I am retarded and one-dimensional.
    Stephen Coletti: Let’s go skinnydipping, bitches!
7. prepubescent boy pictures – No. NO. NO! DIE.

And that’s how we do it. Tune in next week.