Archive for May, 2006
May 29, 2006 – 5:01 PM by Syd Lexia

      I was too lazy to do Fun With Search Engines last week, so now it’s time for a super mega two week edition of FWSE. For anyone as of yet uninitiated, Fun With Search Engines is a weekly site feature where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the period beginning May 14th and ending May 27th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. unblockable porn – The impossible dream. The impossibly retarded dream.

2. dr vink – With a va-va-va….

3. kristin cavalleri nude pics – Normally I just deride this search. However, since this is FWSE #69, it’s only appropriate that I do something slightly different… but I won’t. You people with your goddam celebrity porn searches are pathetic. Fuck you.

4. cartoon hentai – This raises an interesting cultural issue: is it still considered hentai if it’s live-action? We may never know. Correction: we may never care.

5. photodump – That’s what came out when I accidentally ate that roll of film. You know, back when people still used cameras that required film.

6. kara borden 2006 – Do I smell a gubernatorial campaign in the works? Or maybe she could replace Rick Santorum in the Senate. Sure she’s too young to legally run, but she’s too young to be doing a lot of other stuff that we already know she’s done.

7. duck attacks – Duck attacks are vicious and can happen at any time. Like now.


8. princess peach fucking luigi pictures – That would never happen because Luigi’s a total scrub.

9. video game female character – This search is from 5/24. If it had come just four days later, the searcher would have stumbled upon my all-new Girls of the NES article. Actually it would have to be more like six days later, since it takes time for search engines to crawl and cache new pages.

10. bumblelion – Rest in peace.

11. Fairly Odd Parents porn galleries only on Cartoon Holiday – Gross.

12. you are now watching smb2 bloopers – No I’m not, you liar.

13. drug induced fucking – You, sir, are an awful human being. Die.

14. executing a hadouken – You’re kidding, right? It’s only the most basic fighting game movie EVER. It’s down to forward on the direction pad immediately followed by a punch.

      This concludes Fun With Search Engines #69. Tune in next week when there will almost definitely be a new FWSE. Probably. Maybe. No wait, definitely.

May 23, 2006 – 7:23 PM by Syd Lexia

      I’d like to offer my apologies the lack of new site content as of late, I kinda suck sometimes. All I can say is that I’m sorry and I’ll try and give you something new to read very soon.

May 20, 2006 – 9:59 PM by Syd Lexia

      It’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the recurring feature where I review some of the keywords that random visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of May 7th – May 13th. Ready? Here we go…

1. vomit – Some people have used the word ‘vomit’ in regards to my site’s color scheme and what it makes them want to do. May they die one thousand deaths.

2. fucking cool – It’s pretty fucking cool that someone found my site by searching for ‘fucking cool’. You may also find it ironic, depending on your opinion of the site.

3. mortal combat fatality screenshot – Oh my god, dude. 1992 has been trying to reach you all week. He told me to tell you that the game is called Mortal Kombat, with a fucking K. He also told me to kick you in the balls, but I think that’s a little extreme.

4. need help solving case 5 on dick tracy for nintendo – No, what you *need* to do is stop playing Dick Tracy… BECAUSE IT SUCKS!

5. slogan monster shoot game – That’s one of my favorite games of all-time. At least it might be if I had any idea what the fuck you were talking about.

6. kristin cavalleri nude – Bring it on.

7. how to euthanize your cat – Let’s see if it’s still funny…

Baseball bats and fire are both cost effective.

      Yeah, I guess it is. And with that stock image, Fun With Search Engines #68 draws to a close. Tune in next week for something or other.

May 19, 2006 – 1:40 PM by Syd Lexia

      I had hoped to have a new article up by tonight, but that probably won’t happen now. I had jury duty today and I got stuck on a fucking jury for a trial that doesn’t start until Monday and is expected to last until at least Tuesday. The worst part is that it’s some sort of bullshit civil case, the kind that Judge Wapner used to resolve in like 15 minutes. Hey, maybe Judge Wapner can get me out this…

      Dammit, I guess not. In any case, I don’t feel much like writing anything now because I have the cloud of jury duty hanging over my head. It may be my civic duty, but it’s also wicked fucking gay. Even worse, it prevents me from playing The New Super Mario Brothers.

      Welcome once again to Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site report where I review some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of April 30th – May 6th. This is a very special edition of FWSE, because it is dedicated to RegalSin, a somewhat racist and possibly pedophilic member of the forums. He will probably manage to get himself banned from the site before FWSE #68 comes out, so this is his last hurrah.

1. the mystery of scented mountain by carol howie eldridge – This book is pretty obscure, so I kinda wonder if this search was planted. If it’s not, I sure am glad that I bothered to scan in every fucking page of the book and provide a vulgar commentary on it.

2. andrew jackson cartoon – Actually, Andrew Jackson was a real person.

3. but don’t forget there are many guys like you all over the world – Perhaps, but there’s only one And if you didn’t know that, you clearly have no idea how domain names work. And now this: The Quality You Deserve From A Pseudonym That’s Fun To Say!
</cheesy self promotion>

4. kara beth borden nude – I think this search may have been responsible for bringing RegalSin to my forums.

5. peter jennings – That’s a new one and it’s depressing as hell. Peter Jennings was the fucking man.

6. samus aran hentai – Dammit RegalSin, there’s no porn or hentai on my site.

7. kids fucking – RegalSin, will you fucking stop it?

      This concludes Fun With Search Engines #67. Tune in next week when FWSE will almost certainly be more entertaining. In the meantime, why not join the forums and check out some of the monumentally incomprehensible things that RegalSin has posted?

May 9, 2006 – 6:27 PM by Syd Lexia

      A new comic is up. If you’ve ever wanted to create your own webcomic, this strip will offer you profound insight into a comedy formula that will you get you big laughs every fucking time. Or not.

May 5, 2006 – 12:30 PM by Syd Lexia

      Hi there. It’s Cinco de Mayo, so if you like that shit then have a good one. Also, it’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly segment where I look at the some the keywords that visitors to my site typed into various search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of April 23rd through the April 29th. Here it comes…

1. ralston cereals – As I believe I mentioned in my article on Batman Cereal, Chex was the only edible cereal that Ralston ever made. I don’t know why you’d search for information on Ralston cereals, but if you do, my site is currently listed higher on Yahoo than Ralston’s official site.

2. two in the pink one in the stink – That’s fantastic. Is that really the type of audience that I cater to? Hmm, I suppose it is.

3. a series of unfourtunate events – That’s the answer I give when people ask me why the fuck Nintendo’s upcoming console has been renamed the Wii. By answering with a pop culture reference, I am usually able to distract the both of us from the fact that Wii is an incredibly shitty name, if only for a few seconds.

4. magical syd – That sounds like it could have been the title of a Taito platform game. In any case, don’t ever call me Magical Syd because it also sounds gay. This means you, Spanky McCracken.

5. fast show characters – What, like Sonic X or something? Seriously, I have no fucking idea what this means.

6. kristin cavalleri naked pictures – You might as well be searching for the Holy Grail or Santa’s workshop.

7. dragonball had been fuck – I don’t think that’s a complete thought, and I don’t want to see that thought through to any of its logical conclusions, most of which involve Bulma.

Clean out your desk. You’re done here.

May 3, 2006 – 12:54 AM by Syd Lexia

      9 out of the 10 voices in my head keep telling me that there’s a new article up on the main page. I already knew about it since I fucking wrote it, but they wanted me to tell everyone else. So now you know. Enjoy.