Recent events on my forums have inspired me to finally get off my ass and create a new comic. Despite a multitude of evidence to the contrary, one of my forum members insists beyond all rational comprehension that two separate characters from the Mega Man franchise, Zero and Bass, are one in the same. So now this is happening.
In September 2005, I was rather excited about all the buzz surrounding the Nintendo Revolution.
To show my support, I created a graphical signature and began using it on my forums:
When the system’s name was changed to the Wii, I abandoned my signature in disgust in May 2006.
Eventually the new name grew on me and I revived my signature a few weeks later with a new slogan:
Now take a look at the cover of the August 2006 issue of Nintendo Power which came in the mail today:
Hey look, it’s a clever play on the old Black Power logo. Hmmm, where I have seen that before?
In short, Nintendo should hire me and pay me lots of money to do their PR and ad camapigns.
Now it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly report I review some of the keywords that visitors to the site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of June 11th – June 17th. As always, these are all real searches.
1. kara borden pictures – Kara Borden became a hugely popular search last Wednesday when it was announced that David Ludwig had accepted a plea bargain and pled guilty to all the charges against him in order to avoid the death penalty. As a result, the number of hits to Kara and David Archive soared. I had forgotten I even made this page, but apparently others did not. The link made its way onto FARK.com and for the next 36 hours, I used up ridiculous amounts of bandwith. Luckily Dreamhost is quite generous with bandwith, so it’s not a problem.
2. super nakio brothers – I hate rom hacks. Oh, how I hate rom hacks. And I hate I-Mockery for exposing me to a rom hack with Big Bird’s giant penis in it.
3. fucked – OK, who the hell types in “fucked” by itself as a search? The answer is someone who was doing a video search on Yahoo! Japan. This is what they found.
4. regalsin – Like Candyman, saying his name gives him power over you. If he could form complete thought, he’d be the most dangerous man on the internet.
5. syd lexia – The site is the #1 result for “syd lexia” on MSN and Google. On Yahoo it is the #2 result behind my MySpace. Conclusion: Yahoo sucks. I don’t normally engage in ego searches, but this gave me an excuse to. And you know what I found? I’m quoted in someone’s signature on GameFAQs. How fucking cool is that?
6. cartoon cat who had a cane and cat friends – Riff Raff. He was from Heathcliff.
7. Magica De Spell fucking – DAMMIT. Is there any cartoon character that internet retards DON’T want to see naked? Oh well, at least it wasn’t a search for Webby or Mrs. Beakley.
This concludes Fun With Search Engines #72. Now go read a book. Even better, watch a movie based on a book. Better yet, read the novelization of a movie that was based on a book. That, or you could just read my Logo article.
A new article will be up Monday if you’re lucky, Tuesday if you’re not. You’re probably not lucky.
Welcome back to Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site feature where I review some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of June 4th – June 10th. As always, these are all actual searches.
1. unblockable porn – I believe I already covered this four months ago in FWSE #53. Oh well, here’s some new unblockable porn:
2. bomberman 64 boss – Agreed. Bomberman 64 was pretty fucking boss.
3. clinton cookies – Clinton cookies are great, especially when served with DNC Kool-Aid.
4. can you beat the legend of kage – Why would you want to?
5. sexy cartoon cats – I’ve hired John McLaughlin to respond to this:
6. how much should a kid weigh – Less than you do, fatty.
It’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly segment where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week beginning May 28th and ending June 3rd. As always, these are all real searches.
1. retsu rape birdie – As if the hentai searches weren’t gay enough, now I have to deal with yaoi searches. This is fucking fantastic.
2. canadian kids show with lockers and slime – What is You Can’t Do That On Television. I’ll take Potent Potables for $2000, Alex.
3. how the fuck do you beat vega in street fighter 2 – Suck less?
4. mortal combat LP-HK-HP-BLK-HK- – First of all, the games are called Mortal Kombat. Secondly, after a quick search of both parts my Mortal Kombat Fatality Extravaganza as well as Google, Yahoo, and MSN, no such move seems to exist in any Mortal Kombat game. Perhaps it’s a combo of some sort, but it seems to be undocumented. Or perhaps whoever typed it doesn’t know shit about Mortal “Combat”.
5. kristin cavalleri sexy pictures – Here’s one:
6. pop culture +1986 – Dammit, I hate pop culture. And I *especially* hate 1986 pop culture. Hey wait a second, no I don’t.
7. motorcycle noises made with mouth – I wish I was making this up, but someone actually took time out their day to fucking search for motorcycles noises made with mouth. Sigh. And to make matters worse, I’m currently one of the Top 10 results on Yahoo for this dumbass search.
This concludes Fun With Search Engines #70. Tune in next week when my faith in humanity will sink to new lows as I weed through all the hentai searches in a futile attempt to put together a decent FWSE.
My efforts as an analyst of 1980s pop culture have not gone unnoticed. Recently I was contacted by a special interest group called the Council for Cocaine Awareness who wanted me to design a poster for them. So I did. Enjoy.