I’ve been working on a huge new article, one that’s nowhere near as far along as it needs to be, and I almost forgot about Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site feature where I comment on some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines, as a result. I didn’t, however, so here comes your FWSE report for the week of July 16 – July 22. As always, these are all actual searches…

1. quiz and dragons – A suprising number of people seem to remember Quiz & Dragons. Like take, for instance, ME.

2. redheads that have been molested – Someone should molest Kathy Griffin. And by molest, I mean brutally murder.

3. kara borden myspace – Again with the Kara Borden? You know, the real tragedy of the Ludwig murders is that Kara’s parents would still be alive if only they had listened to this misinformed elderly woman:

 
4. michael jackson sprites – Don’t you remember the commercials from the 80s? Michael Jackson only drinks Pepsis, not Sprites. Oh, and semen. He drinks that too. Or so they say.

5. how to get t world seven new super mario – Well, if you beat World 5 as Mini Mario, you can get TO World 7 in the New Super Mario Bros. game.

6. bodybuilders can’t fight – I don’t know, I seem to remember Lex Luger being WCW World Champion at one point, as well as U.S. Champion on several occasions.

7. guns end roses november rain video – Guns End Roses? Fucking Christ, that’s not even close.

Fuck it, I’m done with this. This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

Every so often, I will use my server space to host pictures that I employ on other sites for my own personal amusement. Then I eventually forget about them, then I accidentally find them months later. Here is one such picture:

That is all.

      I’m bored, but not bored enough to finish a new article. That means it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site feature where I review some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of July 9 – July 15. As always, these are all actual searches. Let’s begin…

1. sheeva sexy pictures – There’s nothing sexy about a muscular female Shokan. She’s still slightly more attractive than Chyna though.

2. whomp em map – Assuming that you mean the level select screen, here:

      However, if you’re looking for actual maps of the game levels, then fuck you. The level design is pretty basic and you shouldn’t need goddam maps to make your way through the game.

3. eternal champions screenshot – Eternal Champions sucks.

4. i hate qix – Me too.

5. rebound sex light feelings – I have no fucking clue what that even means.

6. w axl rose the coolest rocker ever – I swear to God that I didn’t make this one up. I can’t say I disagree though.

7. movie shit injection – Again, I have no fucking clue what that means. Seriously, what makes someone type in something like that? Alcohol? Drugs? Psychosis? More importantly, where can I get me some?

      Well, that’s basically it. And as this entry draws to a close, it’s time once again to drop my new tagline: This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

      A new comic is up. Go read it and stuff. I really should start doing comics more often again…

      And now it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site report where I reveal some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed in Yahoo, Google, and whatever other search engines the kids are using these days. This FWSE report is for the week of July 2 – July 8. As always, these are all actual searches.

1. mike tyson’s super punch out opponents – Sadly, Mike Tyson’s Super Punch-Out does not exist. However, I do remember hearing that the developmental name for the SNES Punch-Out was Rape-A-Thon 5000.

2. david sucks – Oh my god, I totally hate that statue too!

3. naked people in action – Is that the Engrish equivalent of a porn search?

4. bomberman hentai – I know there’s a lot of hentai out there, but I’m fairly certainly that Bomberman hentai doesn’t exist. If it does, internet culture has hit rock bottom.

5. gay sub-zero is in love with scorpion – UGH.

6. roger rabbit toll free number – From the NES game? It’s 1-800-232-3324. I spent hours upon hours looking for a telephone within the game so that I could dial that number. It never occurred to me that it was a real number that I could dial on a real telephone until after it had been disconnected. I used to have a hint book that had the full text of the hints from the hotline, but it was thrown out long ago. So instead, here’s a screenshot of Eddie finding the number:

 
7. Hottest NES female character – What a reatrded search. Who in their right mind would actually rate female NES characters in terms of hotness?

      Well, that’s it for now. I hope to unveil a major article by the end of the month, one that has been in the works for over a year. Until then, I’ll try to throw up some minor distractions to keep you entertained. This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

January 6, 1946 – July 7, 2006

 
      Long before I was Syd Lexia, I took Syd as a nickname of sorts. It was borrowed from Syd Barrett, who was a founding member of one of my all-time favorite bands, Pink Floyd. Syd was originally the band’s primary songwriter and guitarist, but his tragic descent into LSD-induced madness ultimately led to his dismissal from the band. Although the band would find greater success in the post-Barrett era, the psychedelia of early Floyd is still very cool and very much worth listening to. After his departure from the band, Syd spent most of the last 30+ years of his life with his mother and sister in Cambridge, England. He was a notorious recluse, and he refused to speak of his time in Pink Floyd.

It was reported today that Syd passed away on Friday, due to complications from diabetes. He was 60 years old. Rest in peace, you crazy diamond.

      I’m still recovering from my 4th of July, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site segment where I review some of the keywords that visitors to my typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of June 25th – July 1st. As always, these are all actual searches.

1. a boy and his blob trouble in blobonia – The game is actually called A Boy And His Blob: Trouble ON Blobonia. The reason being is that Blobonia is its own planet, not a mystical faraway land or a sovereign nation. Thus, there is trouble *on* it and not *in* it.

2. monster party screenshots – I think I’m pretty good at taking Monster Party screenshots. At the very least, I’m thorough.

3. ninjas from mortal kombat – If there are ninjas in Mortal Kombat, this is the first that I’ve ever heard of it.

4. regalsin – RegalSin is gone forever. Rejoice.

5. awsome titties – You spell about as well as Kurtis Stryker.

6. koosh tennis – As an owner of the Koosh Tennis set, I think I played it maybe once or twice. And now, in a move that may or may not foreshadow my next article, here’s a link to the Spring Cleaning Crapstravanganza.

7. terrapin logo commands – This search demonstrates one of the cardinal rules of the internet: if you write about something, at least one person will find it through Google… or Google Australia as the case may be. What the fuck is the point of Google Australia. Is the Australian English so different from American English that it requires its own Google site independent of Google.com? I think not. But apparently someone does.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

I would like to apologize in advance for this display of rabid jingoism, but it’s the 4th of July, the anniversary of America’s independence from Great Britain. Oh well, you can at least take solace in the fact that my attempt at patriotism is pretty half-assed:

      It’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, where I review some of the keywords that brought visitors to my site. This FWSE report is for the week of June 18th – June 24th. As always, these are all actual searches.

1. double dragon linda spandex – Hey, good thing you included spandex in your search, otherwise you might have gotten information on a completely different Linda from a completely different Double Dragon.

2. gizmo duck – RoboCop was a total fucking rip-off of Gizmo Duck. You know, retroactively.

3. shakespeare – My site is way better than Shakespeare.

4. mortal kombat sheeva porn naked – More arms = more simultaneous handjobs. This search = pathetic.

5. ninja kids taito soundtrack cd – A lot of arcade games had limited release soundtracks, but I’m not entirely sure that Ninja Kids did. It’s not like the music was that great anyway. Other Taito games like Bubble Bobble, New Zealand Story and Darius had way better music. This just goes to show that any given moment, someone is searching for something completely obscure.

6. nes racing cop game – Well, there’s Motor City Patrol, the only game ever released by Matchbox:

 
7. amy fisher – I prefer Amy Phisher. Between that and AOHell, I had like a million AOL accounts. Only not really. I did send my friends fake TOS violations for being “extremely gay” though.

There, now go home.