Archive for October, 2006
October 31, 2006 – 1:35 AM by Syd Lexia

October 29, 2006 – 12:16 AM by Syd Lexia

      It’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site segment where I review some of the keywords that brought visitors to my site. This FWSE report is for the week of October 15th through October 21st. As always, these are all real searches. Here it comes…

1. worst nes graphics – I’m not sure what game has the absolute worst graphics, but Legend of Kage is definitely up there:

2. vampire duck – You’ll have to be way more specific than that, there’s like a MILLION vampire ducks. First, there’s Count Duckula. Then there’s Dracula Duck from the DuckTales NES game. Then there’s…. OK, so I can only name two. I was only off by 999,998.

3. cousin skeeter transcripts – I am pretty that this search disproves the existence of God. I am quite disappointed in this turn of events as I have always been rooting for His existence.

4. duck tales lunar rat – Here he is:

If you’d like to learn more about Capcom’s DuckTales NES game or the lunar rat, you can read the one goddam article that my lazy ass brother wrote for the site. It’s a good read, but it makes me mad. Every time I read it, I wish he weren’t so fucking lazy.

5. i am an asshole – Maybe you are, but I’m not.

6. porn passcodes – I’m pretty sure that there’s a The Cable Guy reference hiding in there somewhere, but I’m too lazy to make it.

7. snake plissken costume – The main thing is that you need an eyepatch.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

October 27, 2006 – 7:34 PM by Syd Lexia

Probably tomorrow.

Welcome to Fun With Search Engines, the weekly segment where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of October 8th – October 14th. As always, these are all real searches. Ready? Let’s go!

1. top 100 nes gamesThe 100 Best NES Games Ever has been getting sick amounts of hits. I’m hoping it might translate into more activity on the FORUMS, but so far it hasn’t.

2. flying eyeballs dragon game – I’m not entirely sure, but my first guess would be Irem’s 1989 arcade game Dragon Breed. I don’t know if there’s any actual eyeballs in it, but there are things that kinda look like eyeballs:

3. skateboard saftey – Thank you, mysterious stranger. Your shitty spelling ability helped me find and fix an embarrassing typo in my Adventure Island article.

4. pepsi blue ingredients – Will I do the obvious 70s movie reference? Fuck yeah!


5. my mom looks like abby haygard – Um… good for you?

6. megaman 6 sucks – Mega Man 6 doesn’t quite suck. Sure the storyline is stupid and the gameplay is pretty much just more of the same, but it’s still an okay game. It also doesn’t help that the two best Robot Masters in the game, Knightman and Windman, were designed by North American contest winners.

7. how to suck your own gay dick – Um… wow. Just wow. I like how it specifies that the dick is “gay”. I don’t think sucking your own dick necessarily means you’re homosexual… it just means you’re mentally ill and/or perverse. I mean, I don’t recall the man from Nantucket ever being portrayed as gay, just well-hung and bored. It’s a good thing this is the last one, because I’m going to go throw up. A lot.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

October 18, 2006 – 11:07 PM by Syd Lexia

The answer is all of them.

October 14, 2006 – 7:06 PM by Syd Lexia

Today I netted my highest daily traffic rating ever. Out of all the sites on the internet, mine was ranked #5096 in overall traffic for the day. That’s pretty fucking cool:

October 12, 2006 – 4:52 PM by Syd Lexia

It’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly waste of space where I review some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of October 1st – October 7th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. sydlexia – Onyl yuo cna stpo sydlexia.

2. amy rose hentai – I’d estimate that somewhere between 15-30% of web searches that bring visitors to my site are hentai searches or some variant thereof. That’s not as bad as it sounds though, because a significant amount of the site’s traffic comes from direct links as opposed to searches. Any way, back to the hentai. I don’t see the point. Why fantasize about cartoon characters when there are real people you could fantasize about. Like Heroes actress Hayden Panettiere:

3. å%94%90è%80%81é´¨ – I imagine this must be a magic spell, like TCELES B HUSP.

4. the world just lost another hulkamaniac – Indeed it did. Rest in peace, Edward Albert.

5. honest cops interroagte – Yes they do. But so do the dangerous cops who play by their own rules, the ones who walk in the gray area between right and wrong. In fact, those cops probably do it better. It’s much easier to hold a gun to a guy’s head and ask him when and where the cartel’s next drug shipment is coming in than it is to take him downtown, give him a warm cup of coffee, and ask him nicely.

6. princess peach has sex with bowser – I seriously doubt that. Even if she does, how is that any of your business? You know who *I* have sex with? YOUR MOM.

7. play super luigi games – Fuck Luigi. Mario is the best.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

October 9, 2006 – 11:45 PM by Syd Lexia

October 8, 2006 – 10:08 PM by Syd Lexia

      Hi there. It’s been a while since there’s been an FWSE, but now it is time once again for Fun With Search Engines. Yes, the recurring site feature where I review some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into various search engines is back with a vengeance. This gigantic FWSE report is for the four period week of September 3rd through September 30th. As always, these are all real searches. Are you ready for it? Are you pumped? If not, you may want to come back later when you’re more excited about this. But if you’re ready, it’s time to tear this motherfucker apart!

1. games featuring michael jackson as a character – Well, first and foremost, there’s the Sega arcade game Moonwalker as well as three console games bearing the same name. In addition to that, Michael Jackson appears in the Sega Dreamcast games Space Channel 5 and Space Channel 5 Part 2 as well as Midway’s Ready 2 Rumble Boxing Round 2.

2. mario fucking peach – I assume you mean this:

3. the lost levels in super bros and the lost levels sucks – While your search is a syntax nightmare, I can’t say I disagree with its opinion on the bastardized SNES version of SMB2J.

4. naked people fucking – I think it’s hotter when the girl keeps her skirt on, and maybe some knee-highs too. But the blouse and bra have definitely got to go.

5. funny duck pictures – I don’t know if this counts, but here’s a picture of Donald Duck going apeshit after eating too many red peppers. It’s from Quackshot, a Sega Gensis game made by Sega under license from Disney:

6. hentai god – This one could be interesting, depending on what the person was actually searching for. If this user was searching for hentai featuring God, perhaps where He’s doing the Virgin Mary and he’s really pounding her hard, that’s kind of intriguing. There’s not a whole lot of Biblical porn out there and I’d be interested to see some. But if this user was searching for some sort of Hentai God who exists in some sad polytheistic manga cult then it’s retarded.

7. centipede board game – Someone really searched for this? I think that just made my day. Here it is.

8. i want to play punch out – Good for you. I don’t know if you realize this, but you put KEYWORDS into a SEARCH ENGINE. It’s not a fucking magic lamp, it doesn’t take requests, and typing questions or declaritive statements into it instead of a few relevant words or phrases minimizes your results.

9. naked kids – As if this search wasn’t vile enough on its own, it was logged on September 11th.

10. legend of zelda tips – It’s been quite a while since I posted a link to my super awesome Legend of Zelda tips. So here they are.

11. effeminate – My rip of the first PSA from MASK is one of the top Yahoo Video results for effeminate. Go figure.

12. you got owned – Like hell I did.

13. bowser and peach hentia – If you’re going to waste your sad little life searching for cartoon porn, you could at least fucking learn how to spell hentai.

14. republic of marshall islands moon five dollar coin – I have one and you can’t have it. Here it is:

15. megaman robot masters – For what it’s worth, Mega Man is two words and it has been two words since the original Mega Man game. Oddly enough, this is not the case with the Robot Masters. In Mega Man, Mega Man 2, and Mega Man 6, the Robot Masters names are presented as one word instead of two. Behold:

And to confuse things further, the instruction manuals for Mega Man 2 and Mega Man 6 list the Robot Master names as two words instead of one. I guess the moral here is that Capcom’s NES localization team was pretty sloppy when it came to names.

16. new super mario bros rom – How about this: buy a DS, then buy the fucking game. Both are well worth your money.

17. heathcliff heathcliff no one should – terrify the neighborhood.

18. whomp ‘em reviewWhomp, here it is!

19. dorothy lemay died – Well, she’s not on the official list of dead porn stars, nor can I find any claims ANYWHERE on the net that she’s dead, so you’re probably just smoking crack. Lisa DeLeeuw, who appeared in several movies with Dorothy LeMay, died of AIDS in 1993.

20. why wwe sucks – Because Vince McMahon would rather give you two minutes of wrestling followed by five minutes of someone yelling “All hail King Booker!” over and over again instead of seven minutes of wrestling. Because he gives the exact same main PPV events with the exact same outcomes over and over again and feels absolutely no remorse about charging $29.95 for each goddam one. Because untalented retards like Chris Masters don’t get fired when they test postitive for steroids, they just get sent to OVW for a few months. In short, the WWE sucks because Vince McMahon runs an entertainment show instead of a wrestling show, and his warped idea of entertainment seems to be exposing his ass on RAW and dragging Eddy Guerrero’s memory through the mud on Smackdown. If that’s entertainment, how come I’d rather drink Clorox than watch it?

21. neptun sword grapes – I’d make fun of this search, but it’s not nice to mock the austistic.

22. wlvi 56 kids club – With your hosts Paul Wagner and Elizabeth Dann. Sadly, I threw out my WLVI Kids Club membership card because it was cheaply made and it snapped in half. Hower, I do still have an old WLVI Kids Club newsletter, which can be seen in my Summer Cleaning Crapstravanganza article.

23. fucking leila – Which Leila are we talking about fucking? Leila Blitz from Rolling Thunder? Is it perhaps a misspelling of Leela, the Futurama character? Layla from the hit song by Derek and the Dominoes? All in all, if I could pick any Leila to fuck, I’d go with Leyla Milani, the chick from NBC’s Deal Or No Deal and the 2005 WWE Diva Search. I would hit that from every angle:

24. batmancereal – Traditionally, Batman Cereal is two words. That’s okay though, as my Batman Cereal article is the #2 result for “batmancereal” on both Google and Yahoo.

25. did roger waters hate rick wright – Well, let’s see… Roger FIRED Rick from Pink Floyd. Using this bit of information, see if you can deduce whether or not Roger used to hate him.

26. donkey lips – For the last fucking time, Donkeylips is one word.

27. pics of kara borden – The easiest way to boost site traffic is to talk about current events. But the fact that Kara Borden still generates hits after being out of the news for months is rather creepy. Then again, so is the Kara Borden photodump. However, the photodump also teaches us a valuable lesson about posting too many pictures of ourselves on public pages – don’t do it.

28. how to make a circle on terrapin logo – Like this: REPEAT 360 [FD 1 RT 1]

      Well, that’s it for now. But don’t worry, there will be ANOTHER new Fun With Search Engines segment on Thursday, one that covers the weeks of October 1st – October 7th. Tune in then, I promise it’ll be there.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.