Archive for March, 2007
March 31, 2007 – 2:12 PM by Syd Lexia

      It’s time for yet another edition of Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site report where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into various search engines. This FWSE report is for the week beginning March 18th and ending March 24th. And now it begins…

1. nes games – They really exist. I’ve seen them.

2. ultimatefierce hentai – Um… WHAT!?

3. nes games new zealand story – TNZS was released for the NES as Kiwi Kraze:

4. fairly odd parents porn – I imagine that the words fairly odd and porn are NOT a winning search combination.

5. who said you could eat my cookies – Your roommate. He said you probably wouldn’t mind. He also said you’re kind of a dick and he didn’t really care if you got upset or not.

6. girls who like to flashing – Girls who like to flashing probably only hang out with boys who like to having a firm grasp of the English language.

7. yackety schmackety blah blah cartoon – That was Tazmania. Taz’s dad would say something like that.

8. cute beautiful girls raped roughly – Cute and beautiful are different degrees of prettiness, with beautiful being higher up on the chain than cute. Ergo, there’s no such thing as a cute beautiful girl; she’s either one or other. Oh, and rape is wrong.

9. is birdo a boy or a girl – Birdo was originally a boy, but it was retconned to be a girl.

10. super punch out how to beat macho man – Wait outside the venue in that dark alley over by the side door that competitors enter through. When Macho Man walks by, pull him into the shadows and slit his goddam throat. That how’s I did it anyway.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

March 30, 2007 – 3:24 AM by Syd Lexia

March 24, 2007 – 1:49 PM by Syd Lexia

      Guess what? It’s once again time for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site report where I take a look at some of the keywords that brought visitors to my site. This FWSE report is for the week beginning March 11th and ending March 17th.

1. kurtis stryker’s rocking page – Ah yes, the Stryker page. I haven’t checked Stryker’s e-mail in quite a while. I imagine it’s filled with spam, fan mail, and threatening letters from Captain Stabbin’s billing department. But mostly spam.

2. sly cooper hentai – NO MORE FUCKING HENTAI SEARCHES!!!

3. drink diet free pepsi cola in princess zelda vagina – I’m almost certain search was a plant. If it’s not, someone out there has some serious ass issues.

4. develop a game for the snes – You’re about ten years too late, kiddo. Why not develop a game for the GBA instead? It’s like a portable version of the SNES, and it will totally put out if you take it to the prom.

5. the real super mario world – You want to see a few screenshots of the REAL Super Mario World? Are you sure? Are you *really* sure? I warn you, these images will blow your fucking mind. Fine, you can see them. Prepare to be shocked:

It’s like a totally different game from the official U.S. release! That, or it’s exactly the same.

6. vulgarity in the grapes of wrath – I seem to recall the Okies being referred to as “shitheels” a few times, but aside from that, there wasn’t a whole lot of vulgarity. Steinbeck was above that. I, on the other hand, am not.

7. the duck game the one that can fly – I think it’s time for your meds.

8. lesson on how to play zelda on flute – There’s a flute that plays Zelda? That’s gotta be some flute.

9. batman cereal – And now, a shameless plug.

10. how much will nintendo 1985 teenage mutant ninja turtles game cost – That particular game will probably cost you upwards of $5 billion to obtain. First, you’re going to have hire a bunch of physicists and get them to scientifically prove that time travel is possible and define the mathematical circumstances under which it can be acheived. Then you’re going to hire some engineers to work with the physicists to develop and build a machine that’s capable of time travel. Once you have the actual time machine, you’re going to back in time to the early 80s, let’s say 1981, find two guys named Eastman & Laird, and help them to invent the Ninja Turtles and release the first TMNT comic three years before it debuted in our current timeline. Once the comic’s out, you’ll have to help them promote it and turn it into the merchandising juggernaut that it is today. If you are successful in doing this, you will almost definitely ensure that there’s a TMNT game available for the Nintendo Entertainment System when it launches in the United States on October 18, 1985. If you don’t have $5 billon dollars lying around, you can always play the 1989 Ninja Turtles game by Konami. The 1989 game is the earliest Nintendo TMNT game that exists in our current timeline and you can get it for like $6 on eBay. Oh, and it kinda sucks.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

March 23, 2007 – 2:41 PM by Syd Lexia

      That’s right, a new article is now up. In this fantastic piece of journalism, you’ll get to take a look at the concert t-shirts I’ve accumulated over the years. Read it. You know you want to.

March 17, 2007 – 1:54 PM by Syd Lexia

      Yes, it’s time yet again for Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site report where I review some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into various search engines. This FWSE report is for the week beginning March 4th and ending March 10th. And here we go…

1. mega man 1 7 character list – That sounds a lot like this.

2. image dump – Apparently I’m on the second page of Google’s search results for “image dump”. I guess maybe it’s time for me to update it…

3. fatalities de ermac – Je ne comprends pas. Je ne parle pas français.

4. britney spears with no hair – Personally, I’d prefer Britney with no head. But since you asked for it, and since it’s not hentai, here you go:

5. snake fuck game – Uh… WHAT? The closest thing I can think of is Rattler Race, a game that was included in some versions of Windows. In the game, you control a snake who gets longer every time he eats an apple. In Freudian psychology, I’m pretty sure that counts as fucking.

6. erin esurance nude hentai – Pass.

7. best way to start original legend of zelda – Insert it into your Nintendo and press the POWER button. When the game boots up, it will tell you to press start; do so. Since this is your first time playing, you will need to register a new save file. Select REGISTER from the menu and input your name. When you are done, you will be returned to the main menu. Select your newly registered save file to start the game. When the game starts, you will find yourself in the center of the screen. You should immediately notice a cave hewn into the rocky terrain above you. Enter the cave and talk to the old man inside to obtain your first sword. Congratulations, you’re well on your way to becoming a ZELDA MASTER!!

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

March 10, 2007 – 2:19 PM by Syd Lexia

      Rejoice my friends, because it is time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site feature where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into various search engines. This FWSE report is for the week beginning February 25th and ending March 3rd. Ready? Too bad, here it comes…

1. erin esurance nude – Here’s an idea: instead of searching for cartoon porn, why not do something constructive with your spare time? For instance, you could join the SPLL.

2. top ranked NES games – Well, since it’s one of the few NES games currently available on the Wii Virtual Console, I assume that Taito’s Legend of Kage *must* be one of the top ranked NES games. That or it’s completely fucking awful and the people at Nintendo are assholes for trying to trick people into paying money to play it. It’s definitely one of those two options.

3. dinosaurs – Dinosaurs rule, especially the Henson TV show.

4. maria lutzke – It’s funny how one random reference can get you hits.

5. seanbaby pretentious – Seanbaby, pretentious? In immortal words of Mandy Patinkin, “I do not think [that word] means what you think it means.”

6. police leather gloves – And now, here’s the obligatory FWSE image reply. I think it somes up my feelings on this search nicely:

7. how to fuck dead body – I’m just guessing here, but I imagine you’d do it in much the same fashion that you’d fuck a live body. You might need slightly more lube though.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

March 6, 2007 – 10:10 AM by Syd Lexia

March 3, 2007 – 2:25 PM by Syd Lexia

      Now it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the (weekly?) site report where I review some of the keywords that visitors to typed into Google and whatnot. This FWSE covers the week beginning February 18th and ending February 24th. And here it comes…

1. is it true that michael jackson rapes little kids – It’s hard to say. In the eyes of the law, it is untrue. Michael Jackson certainly seems to enjoy hanging out with young boys, but no hard evidence exists that demonstrates the King of Pop has ever raped, molested, or otherwise violated any of those children. There are three main camps in the Michael Jackson debate. First, there’s the group of people who believe he’s guilty despite his acquittals. Then there’s his devoted fans who refuse to entertain any thought that he might be guilty despite the fact that he’s been accused several times. Finally, there’s the people who are completely sick of hearing about what Michael Jackson may or may not have done to one or more little boys and simply don’t care about it anymore; I belong to that group.

2. nes game cats – That’s not a lot to go on, but could it possibly be Rockin’ Kats, the 1991 cult classic from Atlus? For anyone unfamiliar with the game, it’s the story of a jazz-loving cat and his incredibly useful boxing glove gun:

3. how to make a fatality – Well, you could shoot someone in the face. Or you could drive your car through a crowded farmer’s market. Wait, is this a Mortal Kombat question?

4. fuck shorts – I concur, shorts are stupid. Guys should wear long pants at all times. Girls shouldn’t wear shorts either; skirts all the way.

5. mystery house adventure game – Hey, I’ve played the game. My Mystery House experience can been viewed HERE. Incidentally, it also serves as a convoluted walkthrough of the game.

6. monsters fucking girls – What type of monsters are we talking about here? The kind that have enough to tentacles to penetrate every opening on the human body, or the Adolf Hitler kind?

7. download mugen chars – I still haven’t tried MUGEN, but it looks damn cool Then again, I think Super Cosplay Ultra War is cool.

Well, that makes three weeks in a row. Now leave me alone.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.