Archive for May, 2007
May 22, 2007 – 10:31 AM by Syd Lexia

      Now it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site report where I review some of the keywords that brought visitors to my site. This FWSE report is for the week beginning May 13th and ending May 19th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. riff raff was a pimp – Fuck yeah!

2. myspace screenshots – If you want to take a screenshot of MySpace, hit the Print Screen key. Then open MS Paint and you’ll be able to paste the image into the blank form thus allowing you to edit and/or save it. If those directions aren’t good enough for ya, then go fuck yourself; you completely suck at computers and you don’t deserve to have screenshots of your shitty MySpace page. Speaking of MySpace, add me. Now.

3. erin esurance nude – I was trying not to include this, but it keeps showing up in the fucking site logs and I’m sick of trying to find something more interesting.

4. syd lexia aids – According to some cranky mongloid on StumbleUpon, my site is less funny than AIDS. If AIDS wasn’t so damn hilarious, I might be offended.

5. moonwalker gif animation – Fuck that. Here’s an Altered Beast GIF animation instead:

6. monster party prototype – I would be willing to kill millions, no BILLIONS, of people, if it meant that I would get my grubby hands on a copy of the Japanese prototype of Monster Party. Heck, I don’t even need an exact location; just give me a compass bearing and the rampage can begin.

7. scorp boon an bomal boty – I have no fucking clue what this means, but I seriously doubt this person was looking for the Mortal Kombat page that came up.

8. how to convince a girl to blow you – Ask her nicely.

9. centipede board game – I’m the #2 result for this search on Yahoo, right under a Wikipedia entry on the VIDEO GAME. On Google, I’m the #1 result. My review of the Centipede board game attracts more traffic than you might think, which is to say it nets me significantly more than zero hits per week.

10. play snake rattle and roll – That’s a good idea, I think I will. I’m outta here.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

May 18, 2007 – 5:18 PM by Syd Lexia

A new Valdronius article is now up. Enjoy.

      It is once again time for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site report where I take a look at some of the words and phrases that visitors to my site typed into various search engines. This FWSE report is for the week beginning May 6th and ending May 12th. As always, these are all real searches. Ready or not, here it comes…

1. november rain why the girl dies – She kills herself, and if I recall correctly, she does it with the gun she took from Axl in the “Don’t Cry” video.

2. girls fucking anything – Now see, that’s just stupid. There are certain things I would NEVER want to watch a girl fuck, like a skunk. Or my best friend.

3. beat a boy and his blob – Okay:

4. nes game magic kid and animals – Based on your rather limited description, I’m going to guess you’re thinking of Little Nemo: The Dream Master, one of Capcom’s many NES classics. If you’re not, you should be.

5. how are bruce lee and forest law alike – They laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even talk alike! You can lose you your mind…

6. best snes pool game – Oh man, it sure is hard trying to find the best SNES pool game. I mean, just think of all the choices you have: Championship Pool, Side Pocket, or Super Billiard. There’s no fucking way you could possibly PLAY ALL THREE AND DECIDE WHICH ONE YOU LIKE THE BEST, now is there? Of course not, you lazy fuck.

7. dorothy lemay nude – She’s a porn star! She’s never NOT nude!

8. pepsi failed products – I’m pretty sure we can safely add Pepsi Summer Mix to the long list of failed Pepsi products.

9. nes point and clicking games – Since the NES didn’t have a mouse, it didn’t technically have any any point and click adventure games. However it did have versions of classic PC point and click games such as Uninvited, Shadowgate, Deja Vu, Maniac Mansion, and King’s Quest 5. But on the NES, they weren’t so much “point and click” games as they were “clumsily drag a cursor across the screen using your Nintendo controller” games.

10. fat old nannys fucking – BARF.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

May 12, 2007 – 3:54 PM by Syd Lexia

      Yes, for the third straight week in a row, is offering up new content on the front page. Try not to get used it… there’s no way I can keep it going. But let’s not worry about that right now. Instead, let’s worry about how Sesame Street ruined my whole life.

May 11, 2007 – 11:59 AM by Syd Lexia

      Now it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site feature where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into various search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of April 28th through May 5th. As always, these are all real searches. Let’s begin…

1. princess peach porn – As far as alliterative hentai searches go, this is considerably better than big bowser butts. It’s still pretty sad though.

2. suck – The most common definition:

3. fat mullets – A mullet can’t be fat, only the person who sports it… and anyone who still has a mullet in 2007 probably is.

4. megaman how to kill bombman – I hate to be the one to tell you this, but if you can’t kill Bombman with your basic gun, you kinda suck at Mega Man. And if you can’t figure out that Fire Storm is Bombman’s weakness, you REALLY suck at Mega Man.

5. fisting punishment game – Gross.

6. fucking scenes from hollywood movies – When Beavis realized he was “never gonna score” in his classic feature length animated adventure, he made a fucking scene.

7. how they make mcdonalds happy meals – Easy, they take a regular McDonald’s cheeseburger, a small fries, and a fun promotional toy, and throw them in a nicely decorated box or bag. These days, kids usually get a bag because it’s cheaper. They also give you a small drink on the side.

8. hulk hogan album – That would be Hulk Rules:

9. larisa oleynik clarissa explains it all – Larisa Oleynik never appeared on Clarissa Explains It All. However, she starred in The Secret World Of Alex Mack and I would mack on that girl something fierce.

10. mario fucks peach – I always assumed they were saving themselves for marriage.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

May 4, 2007 – 5:14 PM by Syd Lexia

     A new Valdronius article is up. In this one, he takes Toxic Crusaders, a shitty NES game based on a cartoon that was itself loosely based on a classic R-rated movie. This concludes the lead-in… read it!

      It is time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site feature where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to the site typed into the search engines that brought them here. This FWSE report is for the week of April 22nd through April 28th. Begin transmission.

1. bridgette wilson fucking – Oh man, Pete Sampras is totally gonna kick your ass.

2. where are the zora flippers on zelda a link to the past – How the fuck am I supposed to know that shit? I’ve never played a video game in my entire life!

3. top 100 nes games – The only NES game I can think of with anywhere close to 100 tops is Mega Man 3. You can count them yourself:

4. i want to fuck melissa joan hart – Me too, but I want to do it purely for scientific reasons. I bet my friend $5 and all my Jurassic Park trading cards that if I came in her lazy eye, it would temporarily improve her depth perception.

5. syd lexia is a pokemon – Is that supposed to be some sort of insult? If it is, it’s not a very good one. See, in order to be effective insults have to MAKE SENSE.

6. pizza hut advertising noids – Two problems here. First, there was only Noid, unless you take the Yo! Noid video game as canon. Secondly, the Noid appeared in Domino’s commercials, not Pizza Hut ones.

7. playskool definitely dinosaurs – I love those things! Send me some.

8. psychological reason for playing attractive videogame characters – It’s probably out of loneliness, because you’re a sad little person who can’t get a date. That, or it’s just a simple matter of aesthetics.

9. why did they black out sub zero’s spine rip fatality in ultimate mk3 – There are two possiblities as to why that happened. Boon and Tobias received a lot of criticism for the violent fatalities in MK1 and MK2, and they tried to move away from that with MK3. As a result, many of the MK3 fatalities are a lot tamer than the ones in the first two games. So when Classic Sub-Zero was added into the Ultimate version of MK3, the Mortal Kombat team may have decided that his classic fatality was too violent and voluntarily censored it. The other possibility is that there simply wasn’t enough ROM space to include the full fatality. That may sound less plausible, but it’s not; the Animalities for the original MK3 characters were all rendered in monochrome due to memory issues.

10. dudes with attitudes best game ever – Begone foul demon! Return to the fiery pit from whence thou came!

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.