It is time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site feature where I take a look at some of the things that visitors to the site typed into various search engines. This FWSE report is for the three week period beginning February 22nd and ending March 14th. As always, these are all real searches.
1. what are some good ds games – When selecting a DS game for purchase, as yourself this: Is Lisa Kudrow personally endorsing this game? If the answer is no, you’re good to go.
2. rolf eriksson ebay – I have no idea how this pertains to my site in any way, shape, or form. Apparently Eriksson is an important government official in Sweden, but I had never heard of him before now and I have no idea how he relates to eBay. But if you are looking for stuff that he is selling on eBay, maybe you should have started your search on eBay instead of Yahoo.
3. the jaquio – The Jaquio is a nice guy.
4. gun that fires underwater – Why the fuck would you ever need that? You planning to kill Aquaman or something?
5. virtual fisting game – Gross.
6. poisin for cats – You should be giving cats poisson, not poison. Also, you should learn how to fucking spell.
7. is there a way to put snes games on snes – Is that a question? Is that even a complete thought?
8. top 100 van nintendo – Again, I have no idea what that means. Are there 100 vans out there with custom Nintendo artwork drawn on them? If there are, I bet they’re driven by 100 guys who aren’t allowed with 500 feet of schools.
9. aika – From the SydLexia.com forums? Pretty sure we accidentally killed her. I always hit harder than I intend to…
10. coolest robot masters – Ice Man and Blizzard Man. You see what I did there?
11. naked peach – Why would a peach have clothes on? That’s crazy talk. Go away, crazy.
12. runaway robots happy meal – I love those guys:
13. how do i beat the mini game in super mario bros. 2 – The slot machine? Well see, the thing about the slot machine is that IT’S A FUCKING SLOT MACHINE. It’s mostly luck, but if you have quick eyes and quick fingers, you can line up a win. The main game isn’t all that hard though, so you really shouldn’t waste too much time trying to win extra lives. Just mash through it and hope for the best.
14. should have been easier by three – Our old friend fear and you and me? Glycerine? Glycerine?
15. key in transylvania ducktales nes – When the game sends you to Transylvania to find the key to the mines, jump into the first mirror you see. You’ll find the key.
16. the apprentice season 2 – The Apprentice sucks.
17. names of cartoon characters on heathcliff – Try this.
18. gals panic porn – You’re right, gals definitely panic when they see porn. They scream and run in the opposite direction and never talk to you again. Oh wait, you’re probably talking about the retarded arcade game:
19. dr. tebor – The only Tebor I know isn’t a doctor. He’s a Skeletor.
20. can michael jackson move as good as he used to – Probably not.
21. erin esurance fucked really really hard – And that’s a wrap.
This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.