My friends at Dark Maze Studios have an awesome new product for you to buy. The ridiculously awesome Turksploitation film known lovingly as “Turkish Rambo” is now available on an official, feature-packed DVD! From the same visionary director who gave the world “Turkish Star Wars” comes RAMPAGE, an epic tale of murder, vengeance, and kebabs. Dark Maze Studios sent an elite commando squad to rescue the film from a remote Turkish vault and digitally remastered it… because no one else would dare!
Now it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site feature where I take a look at some of the keywords that brought people to SydLexia.com. This FWSE report is for the three week period beginning March 15th and ending April 4th. As always, these are all real searches. Let’s begin…
1. can aural sex damage you in any way – Is this a serious question? Why in the hell would you ever let someone stick a dick in your ear? In order for it to fit, that’s gotta be either really big ear or a REALLY narrow dick. Either way, you’d probably need lots of lube and it would most certainly damage your ear. Please don’t ever try that.
2. 100 best snes games – It just occurred to me that the previous searcher may have meant “oral” instead of “aural”, so I’d like to change my answer. The answer is still yes, but only if the person giving you oral sex uses their teeth.
3. sydlexia wiki – The SydLexia.com wiki doesn’t see anywhere near as much action as it deserves. Much like its owner, most of the wiki’s action comes from cheap Asian whores.
4. impossible mission checkerboard room – I think I read something about that somewhere.
5. how do you get to the moon pearl on zelda for the super nintendo – Figure it out yourself.
6. fatalité de scorpion mortal kombat – EN ANGLAIS, S’IL VOUS PLAÎT!
7. ff6 epic – Final Fantasy VI is epic in every way possible. My good friend Valdronius wrote a poem about it.
8. food forum – THERE IS NOT – NOR WILL THERE EVER BE – A FOOD FORUM ON SYDLEXIA.COM!
9. neopets faerie hentai – No one actually plays Neopets. Therefore, no one cares enough about it to make Neopets hentai. Also, for the millionth time, hentai is fucking dumb.
10. gay big cock hard video violence women girl shemale without condom – I threw up a little bit when I saw this. I probably should have thrown up more, but I try not to discriminate against people based on sexual orientation.
11. what ever happened to colleen haskell – See above.
12. now it is the beginning of a fantastic story – Let us make a journey to the cave of monsters!
13. nes games that let you choose your boss – Sorry, there weren’t any work sims released for the NES.
14. mega man3 wav files – Who the fuck still uses WAV files?
15. monster rape games – No.
16. bad ending blaze fielding raped – Can we please stop with the rape? It’s not cool. And I’m quite certain nothing like this ever happened in the Streets of Rage games.
17. dumb guy stuck in video game – I prefer Fat Guy Stuck In Internet.
18. unblockable porn – Recycled Magic: The Gathering joke FTW:
19. laugh – That sounds like Bowser’s laugh!
20. is there a name of a video game that’s called ball – Yes. The very first Game & Watch handheld system was simply called Ball.
21. erin esurance nude live hentai fucking sex – Screw you guys, I’m going home.
This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.
A few months ago while in a drunken fucking stupor, I wrote a rant about how all the porn torrent sites out there have really fucking shitty search engines. I passed out shortly after finishing it, and when I woke up the next morning I had forgotten all about it. I found it today while doing some site work, so I decided to share it with you. Ironically enough, these sites both fixed their search engines within the last week, so it’s not really relevant anymore. But if any of you used these sites over the last couple years, you’ll know what I’m talking about and you’ll completely agree with me. Or maybe you won’t. Whatever. Fuck you.
As if you didn’t already know, it was an April Fools’ Day joke. Not a great one, I know, but April Fools’ Day kind of snuck up on me, so I didn’t have time to put together any of the more ambitious pranks that I’ve got on file. And quite honestly, this joke wasn’t implemented quite as it was originally conceived. The original plan was to register ExtremeSnakeInsertions.com and redirect SydLexia.com to that, but I didn’t leave myself enough time to do so; it can take up to 24 hours for domain registration to process, then it takes several more hours before the site is cached and ready to host content. So instead, I was forced to use CompleteSycophants.com, a site I registered a few years for reasons I don’t quite remember. For many of you, this was probably a blessing in disguise; ExtremeSnakeInsertions.com isn’t something you really want showing up in your browser history.
For anyone who either missed the prank or wants to relive it, here are some links:
A mirror of CompleteSycophants.com
The replacement banner seen on SydLexia.com
What ExtremeSnakeInsertions.com would have looked like