Now it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site report where I comment on some of the keywords that brought visitors to the site. This FWSE report is for the six week period beginning June 15th and ending July 26th. As always, these are all real searches. Let’s begin…

1. alex kidd in miracle world scissor head – Actually, his name is Scissors Head. There’s a screenshot somewhere in this article that proves it.

2. wavebird taken apart – Hey asshole, instead of taking your Wavebird controller apart, why don’t you send it to me, Syd Lexia? I need two more.

3. you’ve got a lot to learn before you beat me – The hell I do! You’re a fucking pussy. (Yes, yes, I know it’s from a damn video game.)

 
4. tia carrere vs asia carrera – Both of them are pretty hot, but Tia Carrere wins. There’s something really sexy about a girl who you haven’t already seen with one or more dicks inside her.

5. i’m feeling lucky – Really? Why? DON’T YOU KNOW YOU’RE DEAD!?

6. nothing lasts forever – SydLexia.com will last forever. I guarantee it.

7. dragons fucking girls – NO.

8. all megaman bosses – Mega Man only has one boss, Keiji Inafune.

9. you watch sesame street as an adult just to see the count – That’s not true at all. I also watch to see Cookie Monster, Oscar, and Elmo. And Big Bird. And Grover, on the rare occasions that they decide to use him. Oh, and Snuffy. Truth be told, I fucking love all the Muppets on Sesame Street. Well, except bullshit newer ones like Zoe, Baby Bear, and Rosita. I hope they all get raped and killed. Especially Baby Bear. But ESPECIALLY Rosita.

10. what is the weirdest animal – The weirdest animal… IS MAN!!!!!

11. kara beth borden – Really? Still? People are still fascinated with thise case? I really need to become an accessory to murder so I can be an internet celebrity too.

12. zelda fucks link – I don’t think they’re fucking. If they were fucking, they’d have at least one kid by now. I mean, Christ, it’s been 20+ years.

13. mario fucks peach – See above.

14. i’m batman – I’ll phrase my answer in the form of a Final Fantasy IV screenshot:

 
15. syd lexia stinks – He sure does.

16. slut getting fucked by 3 disk at the same time – Fuck you and fuck your techno-hentai.

17. wizard fred savage torrent – Just buy the damn DVD. It’s awesome.

18. jeebusfnchrist – That’s my brother’s AIM screenname, not that he’s ever on it.

19. joe and mac caveman ninjas – I love that game.

20. mothers who are fucking – Lots of mothers are fucking, especially the ones who got pregnant at 16.

21. snes game with frogs – Battletoads in Battlemaniacs?

 
22. guitar hero metallica – I sure hope Unforgiven III is in the game!

23. forums negative experiences with jews – Get the fuck off my site, you worthless fucking Stormfront.org piece of trash. The most prominent follower of Judaism on my forums, The Flying Jew, has increased the awesomeness of said forums tenfold.

24. prequels are underrated – Rarely is that true. The video game Resident Evil Zero, however, was most definitely underrated.

25. randy dandytoes – Randy Dandytoes, you signed up for my forums. You even sent me a message. But then you never posted. That made me sad.

26. i want to fuck erin esurance so bad – Get a fucking life.

27. females in hard hats – Dude, that is a seriously fucked up fetish.

28. where to buy caffeine free pepsi – …at your local supermarket? Seriously, where the fuck do you live that Caffeine-Free Pepsi is such a rare commodity that you have to fucking Google it to find out more information about it?

29. when is a new mario game going to come out – Jesus Fucking Christ. Mario Galaxy just came out last November, and you’re already whining for a NEW Mario game? You’re an impatient little fuck, aren’t ya?

30. teeth movie – Teeth is a fantastic fucking movie. I highly recommend it to anyone who likes horror movies, vaginas, or horror movies about vaginas.

31. sirron kcuhc dnif – In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris finds YOU!

32. dodge the grim reaper in alex kidd – Be Quick Or Be Dead.

33. maniac mansion how do u get package back from ed – You can’t. You need to get the package before Ed gets it, then give it to him. There’s no reason you should ever need it back from him.

34. bubble bobble endings nes – This is the best possible ending in the NES version:

 
35. tmnt ii the arcade game play as splinter – That’s totally possible and it so not some bullshit lie that one of your idiot friends told you. Also, there are nudalities in Mortal Kombat 2.

36. clarissa explains it all – She never explained to me that there’s no cure for herpes… or that she had it.

37. the a team game – The board game? Check it out here.

38. syd lexia sorry i’m dead – You don’t need to apologize to me. I don’t even know you.

39. every nintendo game – has its thorn.

40. erin esurance nude – Yes, I really do get enough Erin Esurance searches that I need to bring her up twice in the same FWSE.

41. velociraptor mask – You really need a full body costume to be a velociraptor.

42. amy rose hentai – MOAR HENTAI! AWSUM!!!!!!!!

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.