So Sunday was my birthday. Consequently, I received some presents from my loving family members. From my grandmother, I received two DS games (Hotel Dusk, Rocket Slime) and a Wii remote. Hotel Dusk was purchased at a Target, while the remote and Rocket Slime were purchased at an Electronics Boutique in Canton, Massachusetts. After I had opened the package my grandmother told me the story of how she came by these items. She went into EB looking for a Wii-mote and expecting to walk out empty-handed but they actually had them. While she was there she attempted to procure Hotel Dusk as well but was told it was “impossible” to find. Unable to get that, she got me Rocket Slime. The clerk asked her if she wanted a new copy or used copy. Being as it was a present, she opted to get me a new copy… at least, that’s what she paid for.

      Today I decided to bust open Rocket Slime and play it. As I went to open the box, I noticed that it was not wrapped in plastic as new games usually are. Instead, there was just a translucent circluar sticker over the box. It was a USED copy. I was mildly annoyed by this, but I didn’t *really* care; since the DS games are cartridges, there was little chance of the game being damaged in any meaningful way. Upon opening the box, I immediately checked to see if the instruction manual and other assorted paper goods were in the box. I will probably never read these materials, but it’s nice to know I have them if I need them. Upon inspection, everything seemed to be in order on the left side of the case. Then I reached into the right side of the case to get the game. One small problem: THERE WAS NO FUCKING GAME IN THE CASE. So, to summarize:

1. My grandmother was charged for a new copy of a DS game.
2. She was given a used copy.
3. There wasn’t a game in the box they gave her.

      I’m really not surprised this happened; EB/GameStop is a fucking joke. While their video game selection is slightly better than retail stores like Target, Circuit City, and Best Buy, their stock and service rarely are. If you want to buy a video game at Best Buy, it’s a simple process: you walk in, look through the racks, take the games you want, and bring them to the register. At EB, it’s slightly more complicated. When you walk into one of their closet-sized stores, you have to go to the desk for service. Don’t let those boxes on the walls fool you, those are just there to show you what games they THINK they have in stock. But if you actually want to BUY a game, you’ll have to go to the counter and ask one of the store employees if they have it. Then you’ll have to wait while they rummage through their game cabinet to see if they have it. Oh, and you’ll probably have to wait in a line of about seven people before you actually get to this point. Of the seven people in front of you, at least three of them will be clueless parents with no less than two minutes worth of stupid ass questions apiece. Then when it’s finally your turn to inquire about the game you desire, they’ll probably just laugh at you and tell you should have preordered it. If for some reason they DO have the game you want, you’re still in for a world of shit. They’ll try to sell you an extended warranty that you don’t fucking need, then try to convince you to preorder everything from Halo 3 to Disney’s Herbie Rescue Rally. If you do decide to preorder a game, please note that it doesn’t actually guarantee you a copy on release day. Preordering a game is a lot like getting Fast Pass at Disney World; it just gives you a slightly shorter line to wait in. EB has no qualms about taking more preorders than they can fill, so you better be waiting outside the store before they open if you want to make sure your preorder is successfully filled.

      Back when EB was the only serious video game retailer in town, they could get away with their trademark poor service. These days, the gaming companies are getting sick of it. Nintendo in particular seems to taking special delight in screwing over EB. EB has been propagating a story that Hotel Dusk is “impossible” to find. THIS SIMPLY ISN’T TRUE. EB may not be getting many copies of it, but Nintendo is sending crates of the game to Target. Nintendo is also screwing over EB in the Wii deparment. I recently heard an EB employee bemoan the fact that Nintendo was only sending them 3-6 Wiis per shipment. You know why they’re only sending you asshole 3-6 Wiis per shipment? It’s easy, because they’re sending them all to better stores like Target, Wal*Mart, Best Buy, and Circuit City. These stores keep better hours than you, they’re cleaner, and they inherently attract more customers. Personally, I think Nintendo has the right idea. EB is like an aging goldfish; sure it was cute at first, but now it’s just taking up space. All you can do is stop feeding it and wait for it to die.

      On a completely unrelated note, Nintendo recently added The Legend of Kage to the Wii Virtual Console for the incredibly optimistic price of $5. In a just world, people who willingly paid money to play The Legend Of Kage would be spared from actually playing it. Instead, the Wii would download a streaming video of Reggie pointing and laughing. That, or they’d get five bullets to face.