It’s been far too long, but now it’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the SydLexia.com site report where I review some of the search queries that brought visitors to my site. This FWSE report is for the four week period starting November 26th and ending December 16th. As always, these are all real searches. Let’s begin…

1. cartoon female president – That’s a rather apropos search, because you’ll never ever see a female U.S. president anywhere outside of cartoons. And yes, I do consider Geena Davis to be a cartoon.

2. beach patrol hulk hogan – He likes to party, party, party.

3. animals christmas eve – The book? Here you go.

4. phosporic acid what is it – It’s one of the main ingredients of cola.

5. why mola ram kills people – So that Steven Spielberg and Richard Conway could show off their kickass special effects skills.

6. syd lexia is gay – You’re only saying that because you’re mad I fucked your mom last week. You know, the one who’s been dead for ten years?

7. hayden panettiere – Save the cheerleader, send her to my hotel room.

8. gamefaqs character battle – If you want to learn about the GameFAQs character battles, maybe you should go to GameFAQs. Or you could come to the SydLexia.com forums and vote in our character battle. The chicken from Legend of Zelda: A Link To The Past is currently the favorite to win.

9. lexia raisins – Lexia raisins are not a product of SydLexia.com. Don’t buy them. Send me money instead.

 
10. samus aran hentai – For the last time, NO HENTAI!

11. original rampage nes level count – I’m confused by the use of the word ORIGINAL here. There was only one NES version of Rampage and it was not the original version; the game debuted in arcade. But to answer the actual question at hand, the NES version has 128 levels.

12. all christmas films made – Good luck with that.

13. i hate my fucking boss – That seems more like a blog entry than a search query. It also seems like a good way to get fired if your employer monitors your internet usage. Also, I’d find this search way more interesting if MY and FUCKING were transposed.

14. how to do super punch move – I can’t help you because I don’t know what video game we’re talking about here. I assume it’s a video game anyway, because I don’t recall anyone inventing any sort of super punch move in the real world.

15. best cliffhanger movie – Um, what is… Cliffhanger?

16. contra sucks – The hell you say!

17. medicine for fucking girl – What, like rufies?

18. girlfriend christmas party game – The best Christmas party game to play with your girlfriend is Stuff The Stocking. Incidentally, it’s also a fun game to play with someone else’s girlfriend.

19. best xmas thing – Presents!

20. nes game yoyo – It’s probably either StarTropics or Yo! Noid.

21. forest law vs liu kang – Ah, the battle of the Bruce Lee clones. On the one hand, Forest Law has never been killed, which seems to indicate that he’s the better fighter. On the other hand, Liu Kang is currently an angry undead zombie filled with murderous rage. Also, Liu Kang has fatalities. Advantage: Liu Kang.

22. steven irwin hentai – That doesn’t even make sense.

23. sydlexia hate sites – I wish there were Syd Lexia hate sites out there… that would add a new dimension of legitimacy to my work.

24. buttsex banana blood – That’s gross. You know what? Fuck this. I don’t need this. I’m outta here.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.