And now it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site report where I reveal some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed in Yahoo, Google, and whatever other search engines the kids are using these days. This FWSE report is for the week of July 2 – July 8. As always, these are all actual searches.

1. mike tyson’s super punch out opponents – Sadly, Mike Tyson’s Super Punch-Out does not exist. However, I do remember hearing that the developmental name for the SNES Punch-Out was Rape-A-Thon 5000.

2. david sucks – Oh my god, I totally hate that statue too!

3. naked people in action – Is that the Engrish equivalent of a porn search?

4. bomberman hentai – I know there’s a lot of hentai out there, but I’m fairly certainly that Bomberman hentai doesn’t exist. If it does, internet culture has hit rock bottom.

5. gay sub-zero is in love with scorpion – UGH.

6. roger rabbit toll free number – From the NES game? It’s 1-800-232-3324. I spent hours upon hours looking for a telephone within the game so that I could dial that number. It never occurred to me that it was a real number that I could dial on a real telephone until after it had been disconnected. I used to have a hint book that had the full text of the hints from the hotline, but it was thrown out long ago. So instead, here’s a screenshot of Eddie finding the number:

 
7. Hottest NES female character – What a reatrded search. Who in their right mind would actually rate female NES characters in terms of hotness?

      Well, that’s it for now. I hope to unveil a major article by the end of the month, one that has been in the works for over a year. Until then, I’ll try to throw up some minor distractions to keep you entertained. This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.