Welcome back once again to Fun With Search Engines, the weekly report where I chronicle some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into various search engines. Sadly, they generally don’t include Narnia. This FWSE report is for the week of February 26th – March 4th. As always, these are all real searches. Here it comes…

1. earthworm jim hentai – That’s a new one and it’s kinda scary. The Earthworm Jim characters are all pretty weird, do you *really* want to see Professor Monkey For A Head getting head from Earthworm Kim? Worms are hermaphroditic, so I’m pretty sure that looking at something like that would make you gay. Not that there’s anything wrong that.

2. larged winged bull-man guardian figures – Hey, at least it’s not hentai.

3. cartoon with cats in junkyard – That would be Cats And Co., also known as The Catillac Cats. It was part of Heathcliff’s show and it featured Riff Raff, Hector, Wordsworth, Mungo, and Cleo.

4. pop culture knowledge – Man, I wish I had some of that.

5. president afraid of the dark – That would be Bill Clinton. The reason he’s afraid of the dark is because Hillary could be hiding there somewhere, waiting for him.

6. what does half screen fatality mean – It means you have to distance yourself roughly halfway across the screen from your opponent in order for the fatality to work. In some FAQs, this is referred to as jumping distance, meaning that if you are standing next to your opponent and jump away from him, you will put yourself within the proper range to successfully execute the fatality. To see examples of close range fatalities and distanced fatalities, click here.

7. hudson’s adventure island how to kill boss – Are you fucking KIDDING me? You’ve got to be kidding. But in case you’re not, here’s a hint: THROW YOUR FUCKING WEAPON AT ITS FUCKING HEAD.

      I’m done, and that last one utterly destroyed my faith in humanity. While you wait for me to regain it, feel free to read my latest article. It’s on the Clarissa Explains It All board game. No, seriously.