Part 17 of the NES Drinking Saga is now up on the Comics page. So that’s good, I guess. I tried to add clickable smileys to the comment post form, but apparently the mod I applied only effects the form that I used to post news entries. WTF?
In the Spring Cleaning Crapstravaganza, I said that my stuffed Bumblelion toy was thrown out long ago; I was wrong. I recently found him in a box in the attic. Sadly, after all that time in the storage, he just wasn’t the same. After seeing what the world had become since the 1980s, my Wuzzle friend quietly took his life. Bumblelion, I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend and I hope you’re in a better place. Peace.
In other news, an article on a book called The Mystery of Scented Mountain is up. You may enjoy it.
July 29, 1938 – August 7, 2005
This site isn’t really about celebrity obits or current events on here, but I’ll make an exception for Peter Jennings. He was a great reporter who led an absolutely inspiring life. He brought people news for five decades and rose to the top of his profession through hard work, determination, and lots and lots of field reporting. And from 1983 until his leave of absence in April of this year, Jennings anchored ABC’s World News Tonight. Growing up in the 80s, he was always my favorite anchor; his delivery was charismatic and effortless. It never occured to me that he would lose his battle with lung cancer, I took it for granted that he’d recover and live to be as old and cranky as Andy Rooney. It’s a damn shame that didn’t happen. Rest in peace, good sir.
I really wish Dan Rather had broken the story of Peter Jennings’ death; then it would have turned out to be an inaccurate and embarrassing lie. Sorry, that was in bad taste.
I’ve decided to add forums to the site. They should be up by the end of the week. They’re fully functional right now, but they’re still in need of some modding and style changes. Hopefully, the forums will give us a chance to discuss things that exist outside the realm of FWSE and the NES Drinking Saga.
Part 16 of the NES Drinking Saga is now up on the Comics page. So if you’ve been waiting for a new one, now you have it. Also, the Donkeylips petition still needs more signatures.
For anyone who cares, Part 15 of the NES Drinking Saga is now up on the Comics page. On a sadder note, the Michael Bower Needs Work petition has yet to collect even 100 signatures. Let’s see if we can amend this situation in a timely fashion.
Believe it or not, my much-delayed new article is up on the main page. I’m sorry for making you wait so long. The Worst NES Games You Might Have Actually Played is inevitably controversial and currently unproofread. Hopefully it will entertain more people than it upsets.
As I promised here, the third consecutive NES Drinking Saga in as many days has made its triumphant debut on the Comics page. Ten SydLexia.com Fun Bucks will be awarded to anyone who can name the NES game I borrowed a sprite from. This one is a lot more obscure than Link To The Past.
A new article is up, this time on Capcom’s Quiz & Dragons. I know exactly what I want to do for the next article, so hopefully I’ll have it up by the end of tomorrow. Maybe not though. Being able to conceptualize what I want to do doesn’t always quickly translate into a well-written article.
Even if Quiz & Dragons doesn’t interest you, you can at least take my Quiz & Dragons Trivia Challenge. You damn well better take it. Please? If that STILL doesn’t suit your fancy, then you can watch drunken college kids destroy an N64 controller. With a power drill.
This news is about a week old, which is forever in internet time, but I figured I’d throw it out there anyway because I’m still annoyed about it. Jennifer Wilbanks, the stupid bitch who faked her own disappearance when she didn’t want to get married, sold the rights to her story. There’s going to be a TV movie about her retarded shenanigans. My question is this: WHO IN THE FUCK IS GOING TO WATCH THAT TV MOVIE? It’s not a particularly compelling or entertaining story and it’s certainly not worthy of 60-120 minutes of your time; this woman is no Lorena Bobbitt. Hell, she’s not even on par with Amy Fisher. I can sum up the whole story in one graphic:
Fuck off and die, you stupid bitch. I can think of about 1,000 people who deserve a TV deal more than you. Like for instance, Alex Winter. Or me.
So I logged onto my old AOL account this morning to check my mail. AOL always finds new ways to disappoint me. While their spam filter has gotten noticeably better, they got rid of newsgroup support a few months ago. That really pissed me off. When I logged on today, I was greeted by this graphic:
While this did remind me that I’m fucked because I still need to get my dad a Father’s Day present, I could help but feel like the dad in that graphic looked familiar. Then I realized why: it’s Professor Utonium from Powerpuff Girls:
The style of AOL graphic looks a lot more like Genndy Tartakovsky’s Samurai Jack style than Craig McCracken’s PPGs. But since Genndy was the art director for Powerpuff Girls and since he isn’t doing anything right now, I have no doubt in my mind that AOL Time Warner has locked the poor bastard in a basement somewhere and forced him to design and draw their lameass welcome screen graphics. The media conglomerate does own Cartoon Network and they are pretty evil, so I’m almost positive I’m right.
In conclusion, fuck AOL. At least when I misuse other people’s classic characters, I make it fun.
The following message has been paid for by Randy Savage, Randy Savage, and Randy Savage:
Oh yeeeeeeeeeeah! This is the Macho Man coming atcha in triple vision! I’m here to tell you not to read Syd’s latest article on Hulk Hogan’s “Hulk Rules” CD. Hulk Hogan is a punk and his album is like piss in a sink. If you want to listen to REAL music, buy my CD instead. It’s called “Be A Man” and it will snap your mind. Oh yeeeeeeeeeeah!
Forget about two in the pink and one in the stink, Michael Jackson was found innocent on all counts today. Let’s face it though, this verdict didn’t change anyone’s opinion of the guy. People who thought he was guilty before the verdict still think he’s guilty now. Sure, their beliefs haven’t been validated by the law, but celebrity trials lost a whole lot of credibility when OJ got acquitted. It doesn’t really matter anyway, regardless of what he did or didn’t do, “Smooth Criminal”, “Beat It”, and “Billie Jean” are still kickass songs.
Hey, while you’re busy celebrating or mourning the verdict, why not reflect on this landmark pop culture event by reading (or re-reading) my article on Sega’s Moonwalker arcade game?
The bad news is that my router stopped working today and I have no idea why. Until I get it fixed, it’s going to be a pain to update the site, especially since the main computer on the network doesn’t have a reliable FTP client or read CDRs. Hopefully this won’t last too long or impede me too much, but we’ll see.
The good news is that my current Alexa rank is 385,888 and rising. I’m well on my way to the top 100,000. And then we dance.
I am still behind on the site and for that I apologize; I’ll do my best to catch up by the end of the week. While I was going through some stuff over the weekend, I found this drawing that I did at some indeterminate point in time. If I recall, this is the story of its origin:
One night, I was flipping channels with some friends and we caught the end of The O’Reilly Factor, the part where he reads some viewer mail and does the most ridiculous item of the day. At some point during this either the NRA, NAMBLA, or both organizations were mentioned which led to a discussion. I forget what the context was, but someone compared the NRA to NAMBLA and the point was made that the NRA isn’t predicated on an illegal activity. The NRA doesn’t promote murder or even gun usage, they simply believe that the second amendment should be interpreted in a way that allows Americans to own guns if they so desire. I immediately seized on this point and created MAGUVA: the Man-Gun Violence Association, an organization who would actively promote gun violence through literature, discussion, and fictional renderings, but never through overt example. It was essentially a gun version of NAMBLA. At that point, it was quickly decided that I’m going to Hell.
Well, that’s the story. It’s not the most tasteless idea I’ve ever had, but it’s pretty close.
Part 11 of the NES Drinking Saga is finally up. It would have gone up slightly sooner, but I lost a key accessory to one of this strip’s characters within seconds of opening his packaging. Will McFarlane toys replace it? Guess we’ll have to wait and see.
And if you haven’t read about Nintendo Game Packs yet, feel free to do so. Actually, you might be better off staying ignorant of their existence.
So SydLexia.com has officially cracked the Top 1,000,000 websites according to Alexa.com. That’s not exactly spectacular, but seeing as I started with a rank of about 3,300,000, that’s not bad. That means there’s at least 2,000,000 sites that I’m better than. Anyway, the only reason I’m posting this is because I needed a bumper between FWSEs. I am falling behind on the site and I hate it. I’ll try harder, I promise.
After an extended absence due to sickness and work, I’m back with the Spring Cleaning Crapstravaganza. This is actually last week’s article, so I hope to have another one up tomorrow too.
So last week XBox 360 was unveiled on MTV, and I can think of no more appropriate union. For the last six or seven years, MTV has become the place for cynical marketing executives to pitch total bullshit to complete idiots. This is a channel that would rather show you the inside of David Lee Roth’s house than play the “Just A Gigolo” video. If you’re under the sad delusion that people behind MTV actually care about music, you’re wrong. It is also rather laughable to think that Microsoft actually cares about games; they don’t. Microsofts gaming roots lying in solitaire games, crappy flight simulators, and their fairly enjoyable Warcraft rip-off, Age of Empires. At the end of the day, both of these organizations are more concerned with making an easy buck than providing entertainment.
Microsoft’s original strategy for the XBox was simply to have the best graphics and this strategy almost failed them. In the early days, XBox had a $350 pricetag and no worthwhile games that weren’t already available on PS2, Gamecube, or PC. The exclusive game that they chose to showcase, Halo, was a predictable 3D shooter with bad level design and repetitive gameplay that eventually garnered more attention than it should have for having multiplayer modes similar to better titles like Unreal Tournament and Half-Life. Most serious gamers turned their noses up at the system and it faired rather terribly in its first couple months with its main purchasers being 30-something accountants and frat boys who liked it because Madden 2002 looked “fucking awesome” on it. The giant XBox controllers that originally came with the system were seemingly tailor-made for these ham-fisted cretins. But just when Microsoft’s pathetic attempt to cut into Sony and Nintendo’s market share had almost failed, something happened. The XBox had a hard drive built into it, and techies eventually realized that this hard drive could be replaced with a much bigger one and the system could be modded in such a way that games could be copied onto this hard drive and played from there. Through the power of emulation, you would also be able to put your favorite games from other, better systems onto the XBox and run them as well. Thus XBox became popular not because it had a spectacular line-up, but because it was the most pirate-friendly console ever made. Since the XBox 360 is not going to have a hard drive, it seems hard to believe that Microsoft’s next overpriced piece of trash will be able to recapture the coincidental success of its predecessor.
Suprisingly, XBox.com doesn’t agree with me. The site guarantees that XBox 360 will have “the greatest lineup in the history of video games”. I assumed they meant it would run an NES emulator, but I was wrong. In fact, the greatest lineup ever is only made up of seven games:
1. Perfect Dark Zero (Microsoft Game Studios) – Actually, this game was developed by Rare who Microsoft now owns. Rare has more name recognition and credibility in the industry, so it’s pretty retarded that Microsoft wouldn’t tout the game as being by them. The game itself is just another 3D shooter and I don’t see it being anything spectacular. The 3D shooter genre is rather played out at this point, so unless the game has a good hook like Timesplitters: Future Perfect, Doom 3, or Metroid Prime, it’s not worth playing.
2. Kameo: Elements of Power (Microsoft Game Studios) – Oh boy, another game produced Microsoft! I bet it’ll be awesome. (sarcasm mode off) Microsoft has kindly provided us in-depth descriptions of these upcoming games and multiple screenshots. Actually, they’re giving us one small picture and a two line description. In its entirely, the game’s description reads: “Harness the power within yourself to combat an ever-present evil in a mystical universe.” It’s good to see that Microsoft is trying to make a game with a unique compelling storyline instead of relying on vague conventions. Oh, wait.
3. Gears of War (Microsoft Game Studios) – Another Microsoft with an interesting plot: “The Locust Horde is surfacing from the underground depths of Sera. Join the battle to save humankind.” Yawn.
4. Project Gotham Racing 3 (Microsoft Game Studios) – With the exception of Mario Kart and maybe F-Zero, racing games suck. If this Project Gotham shit had the Batman license, then it might be worth playing. At least then we’d finally find out exactly what happens when the Batmobile loses a wheel. Actually, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of a Batman racing game. You’d race in gimmicky vehicles that never existed in the comics like the Freeze Ferrari and Penguin Porsche . That’s fucking money.
5. Need For Speed: Most Wanted (Electronic Arts) – Fantastic, another racing game. This one’s by EA, who I don’t think I’ve ever seen do an exclusive license, so I’d expect to see this on the next generation Sony and Nintendo consoles as well.
6. Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon 3 (Ubisoft) – Tom Clancy games suck, but this’ll make it onto the other systems when they launch anyway.
7. Tiger Woods PGA Tour 06 (Electronic Arts) – It’s by Electronics Arts, so you’ll see it on other systems. Hell, you’ll probably see it on PS2 and GCN. I never really liked sports games and I don’t understand why we need a new Tiger Woods game every year. Unlike other sports, it’s not like the PGA roster changes all that much every year, not that the Tiger Woods games even follow the roster. Justin Fucking Timberlake was in the 2005 edition. There’s also enough space on a game disc that EA could give us every major golf course if they wanted to. What can the 2006 edition offer us that 2003, 2004, and 2005 didn’t? Almost nothing. It can give us some added realism, but fuck that. When I play a game, I want it to look like a fucking game. I rather play NBA Jam with its hilarious Big Head mode than control a near-perfect clone of Lebron James. If you disagree, it means that you are wrong.
You can see Microsoft’s badly designed and uninformative game list here. In the event that you are reading this months later, here’s a screenshot.
That’s enough bitching for now.
