A new article is up.

 
      Unless you’ve been in a drug-induced stupor for the last few hours, you’ve almost certainly heard the shocking news: pop superstar Michael Jackson is dead. What you may not have heard is that the King of Pop is rumored to have died attempting to eat a box of expired Star Wars cookies, a stunt that I myself just recently survived. Unfortunately Michael’s body was not up to the task. Over the last several years, he has suffered from several stress-related illnesses that have left his body in a weakened state and ingesting the cookies proved to be too much for him. He went into cardiac arrest and died. And unlike me, Michael opted not keep to one of his siblings nearby to supervise the experiment and dial an ambulance in case things went south. By the time his collasped body was discovered, resuscitation proved impossible. And so we have fallen on very sad times; the world has lost one of its greatest entertainers. So now, let us take a few moments to think about Michael Jackson and to mourn him. And let us remember him not just as a talented singer, but also as a massive Sega fanboy. And let us do this by reading my 2005 review of the classic Moonwalker arcade game. It’s what Michael would have wanted.
 
 
Michael Jackson, 1958-2009. Rest In Peace.

A new article is up.

      I am pleased to announce that SydLexia.com has integrated Facebook Connect into the site’s blog, Site News and Random Shit. Those interested in leaving a comment are now able to use their Facebook credentials to do so.

      Three months ago, I announced I had created a special subdomain to showcase my demotivational posters. Since that time, 21 new posters have been added. Go check them out. The newest ones are at the bottom.
 

(http://despair.sydlexia.com)

A new article is up.

      My friends at Dark Maze Studios have an awesome new product for you to buy. The ridiculously awesome Turksploitation film known lovingly as “Turkish Rambo” is now available on an official, feature-packed DVD! From the same visionary director who gave the world “Turkish Star Wars” comes RAMPAGE, an epic tale of murder, vengeance, and kebabs. Dark Maze Studios sent an elite commando squad to rescue the film from a remote Turkish vault and digitally remastered it… because no one else would dare!

BUY IT HERE!

      As if you didn’t already know, it was an April Fools’ Day joke. Not a great one, I know, but April Fools’ Day kind of snuck up on me, so I didn’t have time to put together any of the more ambitious pranks that I’ve got on file. And quite honestly, this joke wasn’t implemented quite as it was originally conceived. The original plan was to register ExtremeSnakeInsertions.com and redirect SydLexia.com to that, but I didn’t leave myself enough time to do so; it can take up to 24 hours for domain registration to process, then it takes several more hours before the site is cached and ready to host content. So instead, I was forced to use CompleteSycophants.com, a site I registered a few years for reasons I don’t quite remember. For many of you, this was probably a blessing in disguise; ExtremeSnakeInsertions.com isn’t something you really want showing up in your browser history.
 
 
For anyone who either missed the prank or wants to relive it, here are some links:
A mirror of CompleteSycophants.com
The replacement banner seen on SydLexia.com
What ExtremeSnakeInsertions.com would have looked like

      I am proud to announce that SydLexia.com has been sold and will be integrated into CompleteSycophants.com, a new pop culture mega site scheduled to launch in May 2009! At that point, SydLexia.com will be completely taken down and all of its articles will become part of CompleteSycophants.com. I will work for the new site as a senior editor and Valdronius has been hired as a staff writer… and we’ll actually be getting paid! Unfortunately, there’s some bad news. In order to ensure the new site has some fresh content at its launch, no more updates will be made to the SydLexia.com main page. Also, the services of Jeebus and Haddox have not been retained, so I don’t know what they’re going to do. Blogger.com, perhaps? I would like to thank CompleteSycophants mastermind Tommy Evans for his generous offer, and implore you all to check out the new site when it launches. Here’s the link.

Thank you all for your support over the last four years.

A new Valdronius article is up.

A new article is up.

      Given the failing state of the economy and that millions of people losing their jobs, I am going to try and help some of you obtain new employment. While not everyone will be successful, you won’t be worse off if you listen to what I have to say. However, there is a condition that applies to using my guide. If you get a job after reading my advice and you did even one thing differently because of what I wrote, you must come back to SydLexia.com and proclaim my awesomeness to the world. Right here in the most public of all spaces, the comment section of the news entry!

Read the interview guide here.

 

      Are you feeling good about your life right now? If so, here is some medicine to help you fit in with the rest of us. I have compiled all of my demotivational posters into a subdomain image dump. Would this time have been better spent working on a new article? Yeah, probably. Oh well. Click the link below to visit the page.
 

(http://despair.sydlexia.com)

      Forum member Fernin has blessed us all with the birth of LexiaBot9000. Our new friendly neighborhood IRC bot is available to test your trivia skills, give you your fortune, and strap bombs to your back. You can learn all about the LexiaBot9000 in the Sydapedia.
 
 

How To Start The Game:
!start                
!timebomb not_sure    

      With Syd’s blessing, I have carved out a small hole in the SydLexia.com wall where I can write and rant as I see fit. If you don’t know where to look, you may have trouble finding it; the location isn’t prominent at all. In fact, unless you were specifically looking for it, you would probably drive right past it. Here are the MapQuest directions:

1. Keep left at the fork in the road. (0.2 mi)
2. Take the third exit at the rotary. For those outside New England, a rotary is known as a traffic circle. (3.7 mi)
3. Follow the river for 6 miles and take a right over the bridge on to East Bumblefuck Lane. (6.1 mi)
4. When you get to the end of the road, my site is the last one on the left side of the cul-de-sac. (0.4 mi)

Update: I have been informed that some of you have been getting lost by using those directions. TRY THIS INSTEAD.

As with all of my nonsense, you can talk about it here or on the forums.

      As the project leader over at Gamers Against Racism!, I recently contacted myself to let me know that the Final Fantasy poster has been updated. It is now animated. I have decided to pass this important time sensitive information on to you. Act now! Add this graphic to your MySpace!
 

A new article is up.

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Somehow, both Syd’s account and the default administrator account became corrupted and no longer work, so I am the only one who can post. Syd is in the process of moving over to new software, but until such time as that is possible, there will be no more Fun With Search Engines. We are very sorry for any incovenience and/or disappointment this may cause you.

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A new holiday-themed article is up.