Now it’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site report where I take a look at some of the keywords that brought visitors to my site. This FWSE report is for three week period beginning November 11th and ending December 1st. As always, these are all real searches.

1. best nes games – The best NES games? That’s so very, very last year. Why not read about the 100 best SNES games ever instead?

2. hasbro battle trolls – I can still remember the song from the original commercial:

My name is Angus, Gus to my pals. I turn everything into an arsenal!

3. prizes for girls for fucking – There are only five possible prizes that a girl can win for outstanding fucking: a trophy from Adult Video News, money, spermicide, an economy size bottle of RU-486, or a coupon for 25% off your next abortion.

4. best christmas movies – Best this, best that. I’m sick of seeing the word “best” in my fucking site logs. Oh well, here’s THIS.

5. hey ho come on down the beach – That’s what I said to your mom.

6. camp lazlo hentai – Yeah, about that…

 
7. fatality de kitana – Hey Frenchy, shouldn’t you be searching for fatalité de kitana instead? Yeah, I thought so. Have another glass of red wine, ya shifty Huguenot bastard.

8. navigating the south castle in nes dragon warrior – You’re a lazy fucking bastard. If you seek to defeat the Dragonlord, do it the way we did it back in 80s: explore the castle on your own and keep trying until you fucking get it right. Maps are for losers. But if you’re really too much of a pussy to beat the final dungeon without a map, there’s one on GameFAQs, which is a site that you should have heard of by now because EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD HAS. You suck pretty hard there, guy.

9. shannon elizabeth fucked jack frost – Yes she did. It’s a shame she hasn’t done anything interesting in years.

10. narcis prince is gay – That’s not fair. Narcis Prince deserves respect.

 
11. female cat that garfield tries to impress – That would be Arlene.

12. what are nes games – I refuse to dignify that with a response.

13. i want watch the whole smooth criminal – Me fail English? That’s unpossible!

14. full house – Full House? How about Royal Flush?

 
15. cats – There no cats in America and the streets are paved with cheese. No, there are no cats in America, so set your mind at ease.

16. pepsi vs. coke – Fuck that. Shampoo vs. conditioner is a far more interesting debate.

17. bands of the 80s that were makeup – There aren’t any bands from the 1980s that “were” makeup. However, singer Boy George is actually a golem built entirely out of Revlon products.

18. four way fuck in dungeon – I hate BDSM.

19. maria lutzke – Tis the season for latkes, not Lutzke.

20. super mario bros 3 hammer suit – Best power-up ever.

21. ronald mcdonald fucks wendy – Again with this shit? Christ. That’s it, I quit.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.