So almost the end of the week and there’s still not an FWSE report up for *last* week. You probably think lazy ol’ Syd has forgotten about it, don’t you? Well, you’re wrong, because you just happen to be reading the Fun With Search Engines report for July 31st – August 6th. Who’s the asshole now? Oh wait, it’s still me. As always, these are real searches that visitors to my site typed into search engines. I don’t know who should be more embarrassed, me or them. Let’s get this over with:

1. gay bodybuilders can’t fight – My first inclination is that this query is a plant, but I can’t prove it. I don’t know why the fuck someone would look this up; everyone knows gay bodybuilders can’t fight.

2. streets of rage interesting – Most people don’t realize that if you include the word interesting in your search query, the engine will automatically filter out boring results. Of course, the reason most people don’t realize it is because I just made it up.

3. waler oct cobra pooter – At first, I thought this was German. As it turns out, they’re enemies from Hudson’s Adventure Island. I must be slipping. If I ever forget what a Goomba or a Koopa is, feel free to shoot me in the face.

4. you should not drink and bake – It’s true, and you can thank Mr. Schwarzenegger for that lovely piece of advice. Arnold knows his shit; that’s why he’s governor of California.

5. princess peach porn – Sometimes I wish I really did run a video game hentai site. Nerds everywhere are chomping at the bit to see naked pics of Princess Peach, Samus Aran, Jill Valentine, and Chun Li, so I could make an assload of money.

6. donkey lips – His fucking name is Donkeylips, you stupid fuck. Read the goddam Salute Your Shorts article and educate yourself.

7. worst nes games – The Worst NES Games That People Actually Played is easily one of my favorite articles that I’ve done to date. I am very surprised at the complete and total lack of hate mail that I’ve received over this article. Somewhere out there’s got to be at least one Skate or Die fan plotting my demise.

Well, that it’s for now. If any of you are on that super trendy MySpace site, feel free to add Syd Lexia to your friends list. Or don’t. Whatever.