Now it’s time for the third installment of my totally fucking pointless weekly search query report. Here are some of the searches that brought people to my site between 1/09 and 1/15. How do I know? I have magic fucking powers, OK? Or maybe I have site access logs. Unfortunately, there’s nothing particularly hilarious this week.

1. the deathstone – As it turns out, there are other deathstones besides the MASK one. For instance, there was a 1989 movie called The Demonstone that was released in some countries as The Deathstone. It starred R. Lee Ermey, a man who has based his entire on his one big role as the drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket. It also starred some chick named Nancy Everhard. I thought only male porn stars had that last name. Hmmm… maybe Nancy is a transvestite. Whoever did the search was probably looking for information on this shitty movie, but instead they found information on a cheesy cartoon. Too bad.

2. voltron 3d episode transcripts – What the fuck is this? I hope to God there aren’t any transcripts of Voltron online and not just because of my general disinterest with fighting cat robots. Seriously, what possible need could anyone have for a transcript of an 80s action cartoon? These things weren’t exactly well written. I love G.I. Joe and Transformers but if someone has actually taken the time to transcribe 22 minutes of unmemorable lines like “Destro, you’ve failed me again!” or “Autobots, transform!” then I want to find him and stab him. If for some reason you feel the need to transcribe cartoons, do South Park, Powerpuff Girls, The Simpsons or any other cartoon that’s actually worth quoting.

3. 90s nickelodeon programs – I’ve said it before, but I get a lot of visitors looking for Nickelodeon stuff. Some more specific searches this week included Welcome Freshmen and Grimm’s Fairy Tale Classics, both of which are briefly mentioned in the Are You Afraid of the Dark? article. I love this shit, so I’ll definitely write about more of it as it becomes available for me to capture.

4. november rain meaning – Aside from Axl Rose or maybe Del James, no one can tell you definitively what the November Rain video means. I gave it a shot though.

GAME OVER.