Well, Christmas was five days ago and I’ve finally wandered out of the haze of gluttony and avarice that the holiday generally sends me into. So now, it’s time for Fun With Search Engines. But this isn’t just *any* old edition of FWSE, this is a special holiday edition that covers the week leading up to Christmas, December 18th – December 24th. If you ever wondered what people search for in the days leading up to the birth of Christ, you’re about to find out. As always, these are all actual keywords that visitors to my site put into search engines:

1. frosty the snowman hentai – Tis the season, huh?

2. disney are you afraid of the dark – Yes, the fucking thumbsuckers who run Disney probably are afraid of the dark. But if by some chance you’re referring to the TV show Are You Afraid Of The Dark? then you should know that ran on Nickelodeon, not Disney.

3. christmas fuck suck greeting card – It may not surprise you to learn that this search came through Google Nederland. I like porn as much as the next guy, but if someone sent me an X-rated eGreeting, I’d be rather pissed. There’s a time and a place for shit like that, but you really can’t expect anyone in the Netherlands to grasp the concept of moderation. If there really is a God and He ever decides to bring Judgment Day down upon us, I’m pretty sure the first thing he’ll do is put Holland back underwater. Honestly, I wouldn’t blame him.

4. old christmas santa claus c64 game – There were several and you can see them all in the Commodore Christmas Crapfest. However, Father Christmas is really the only one worth mentioning.

5. kara borden naked pics – Even on fucking Christmas Eve! GODDAMIT!

6. ted kennedy is sober – That’s libel. He could sue.

7. drunk driving psa face burned commercial – I once went off on a long angry rant about how much I fucking hate drunk driving PSAs. That shit is depressing as fuck and they run them on Comedy Central sometimes. What the fuck is that?

And I’m done. Tune in next week to see what people searched for on Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve. Maybe there won’t even be any hentai searches next time. Hey, I can dream, right?