First off, there’s a new article up. This actually isn’t the article that I’ve been working on for the last few weeks, it’s something I threw together to distract you while I finish it. It’s still good though.

Now, it’s on to Fun With Search Engines, the weekly segment where I review some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. It’s a little late in the week for Fun With Search Engines, but it’s never too late. This FWSE report is for the week of April 2nd – April 8th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. how the fuck do you use a caulking gun – I feel like there’s some sort of joke I could make involving hot caulk, but the specifics elude me.

2. scorpion animality – Scorpion’s animality in Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 turns him into a scorpion. Oh wait, no it doesn’t, because that would MAKE SENSE. Instead, Scorpions UMK3 animality turns him into a penguin.

3. color bars livejournal – As I’ve said before, IS LOVE color bars suck. But if you’d like to help out the site, use one of my IS MURDER color bars on your MySpace, LiveJournal, or Xanga.

4. female oops – Don’t know, don’t wanna know.

5. michael jackson dangerous explanation – If you really need an explanation as to why some people believe Michael Jackson is dangerous, please crawl back into the bomb shelter that you’ve been living in for the last 15 years. Subsequently, if you really thought I didn’t know that “Dangerous” is the name of a Michael Jackson song, get off my fucking site.

6. volleyball porn – No.

7. 1980s cultural wasteland – Fuck you, the 80s ruled. You want a cultural wasteland, how about 2006?