And now it’s time for the ever-so-exciting seventh installment of Fun With Search Engines. You should know how it goes by now. If you don’t, read some back issues. These are the search queries for 2/13 through 2/19. Let’s roll…

1. bride cut the cake – What kind of a dumbass search is this? As an image search, it’s not unreasonable. Unfortunately, this wasn’t an image search because very few of my images have helpful names. Anyone can cut a fucking cake. Why would someone need to see pictures of strangers’ weddings? Is it some sick voyeuristic obsession? Is it total boredom? I could guess all day and never figure it out, but I have better things to do. At any rate, it led to my November Rain feature.

2. www.timekillers.com – This is another retarded search. Why the fuck would someone type a website name into a search engine? Why wouldn’t that person TYPE IT INTO THE FUCKING ADDRESS BAR??? These searches are giving me an aneurysm.

3. mask theme song lyrics kommand – I already have the M.A.S.K. intro available for download, so I might as well post the song lyrics:

Masked crusaders working overtime fighting crime, fighting crime!
Secret raiders who will neutralize soon as they arrive at the site!
Trakker’s gonna lead the mission
And Spectrum’s got such super vision…
MASK – is the mighty power that can save the day!
MASK – no one knows what lies behind their mad charades!
MASK – always riding hot on VENOM’s trail…
Come see their laser rays fire away!

NOTE: Some people claim the lyrics is masquerade(s) and not mad charades, but those people are dirty liars.

4. zz ziff – She was cute, I’d do her. I’d do it proper too. I might even call her the next day, cuz I’m classy like that.

5. guys in muscle shirts – This would be acceptable albeit gay as an image search. As a Yahoo search, it’s just gay. I don’t have an article on Cocksmoking 101, so this search inevitably led to my Bad Dudes page.

6. harry armpits – To the best of my knowledge, this is a Garbage Pail Kids reference. You can expect to eventually see an article on the GPKs here.

7. salute your shorts downloads – Hey, I have one of those! If I had more server space, I would have put up more clips. But I don’t.

      I’ll wrap this up with a random shout out to CommandoFans.com, a site dedicated entirely to the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie Commando. Someone linked to me on their message board, so I decided to return the favor. They’ve even invented their own drinking game. Check it out. As for my site, this week’s article will go up whenever it’s done.