Yes, it is time once again for Fun With Search Engines. As always, these are real keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report covers the week starting May 29th and ending June 4th. Why do I do this report? I don’t know, but hopefully it will distract you while I finish proofreading the Caveman Ninja article and adding picture captions. So… are you distracted yet?
1. proof of michael jacksons weirdness – Is that hard to use an apostrophe? IS IT!? I swear to God, the internet has made people dumber. I was perusing UrbanDictionary.com the other day and it’s interesting to seeing how fifteen-year-olds with 1.8 GPAs think words are spelled. Their misguided attempts to define recently invented sexual positions would be hilarious if they weren’t so fucking pathetic. For example, one boy thought that the word disturbed was spelled desterbed. This wouldn’t be so bad, except there’s a fucking band called Disturbed who are pretty popular with the Hot Topic crowd. Even if all this douchebag listened to was 50 Cent and Ludacris, it’s a safe bet that he’s seen Disturbed shirts on multiple occasions. Hey asshole, maybe if you learned to read, you’d eventually learn how to spell too. In any case, I shouldn’t be complaining about the lack of apostrophes; I am currently in the top five results on MSN, Yahoo, and Google for “proof of michael jacksons weirdness”. Too bad it’s not a popular search term.
2. arcade game where you can cut off players arms with chainsaw – Again with the apostrophe. In any case, the game is Time Killers and the guy with the chainsaw is Rancid.
3. screenshots of reptile in mk1 – Imagine Scorpion, only green. LOOK TO LA LUNA.
4. brontosaurus t shirt vintage – I don’t know what it means, I don’t want to know what it means, let’s ignore it and hope it goes away. Dinosaur t-shirts aren’t cool, even though I owned one.
5. porn passcodes – This is a new one. Interesting. And sad.
6. mtv longest video jeremy – I have no idea what the longest video ever produced for MTV was, but it certainly wasn’t Pearl Jam’s “Jeremy”. Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” is easily the longest piece that ever aired on MTV, but Thriller is more like a short film than an actual music video. If we disqualify it on those grounds, then the GN’R video “Estranged” is probably the longest video that ran on MTV, clocking in at 9 minutes and 39 seconds.
7. guns and rose moment for ever and ever and other – I have no what this means or if it is even really GN’R related, but since it came through Google Mexico I will assume it was a valiant attempt at English. That having been said, how fucking hard it to spell Guns N’ Roses? You start with a capital G, throw in a lowercase u, n, and s and then it gets tricky. You have a capital N followed by an apostrophe (‘) and a capital R, and a lowercase o, s, e, and s. Guns N’ Roses. Is that fucking difficult? NO.
And we’re done. Have a nice day. I should have another article up by the end of Friday, it’s already planned out and everything. I made a promise to an old friend/former archrival a few weeks ago that I’d do the aforementioned article and now I’m going to fulfill that obligation. I’m not going to tell you what it’s on though, that would ruin the fun. Guess you’ll have to wait and see.