Yes, it is once again time for FWSE, a site feature which is always weird and sometimes entertaining, where I report on select keywords that actual visitors to the SydLexia.com typed into search engines. This report spotlights various keywords that were used between 6/5/05 and 6/11/05.
1. girls gone wild commercials uncut – Yeah, so Chris Elliot just called. He said you need to get a life. He also wants you to sign as many online petitions are you so that Get A Life gets released on DVD. Now regardless of whether or not you liked his TV show, I strongly suggest you take his first bit of advice.
2. cheap priced freddy claws – With a gardening glove, some skewers, a pair of pliers and some rudimentary sewing skills, you can make you very own Freddy claw for $20. Whether you want to terrorize your own Elm Street or just kill one particular douchebag, this is a fun and economical way to do. Besides, killing is always more fun when you made the weapon yourself. Just ask Teddy Kaczynski.
3. how to do brutalities in ultimate mortal kombat 3 arcade version – You can’t and why the fuck would you want to? Brutalities suck.
4. dead or alive xtreme beach volleyball porn – Fuck Dead Or Alive, fuck the DOA volleyball game, fuck softcore porn, fuck Tecmo, and fuck whoever searched for this.
5. birthday for mortal kombat character sub zero – As I stated once or twice in the past, it would seem that stoned idiots that type random shit into search engines account for the silent majority of the 300-500 hits that I’ve been averaging daily. I don’t understand why any rational person would care what a video game character’s exact age or DOB is. If you can’t estimate a character’s age by looking at him or her, then the programmers didn’t do a very good job making the game. Giving characters a fixed age is a bad idea, since characters rarely age and video games rarely take place in specific years; classic video game characters like Mario, Sonic, and Pac-Man are timeless. But if we know that Jill Valentine was X years old in 1999, that makes it awfully hard for Capcom to reuse her 20 or 30 years down the line. Besides, why would I ever give a fuck that Voldo from Soul Calibur is in his 50s? The only thing worse than making up DOBs for video game characters is giving them BLOOD TYPES. If you are honestly interested in whether or not Nina Williams could receive a successful transfusion from Jim Kazama, you really ought to kill yourself. I recommend vodka and painkillers. If it was good enough for the lovely Miss Elizabeth, it’s good enough for your stupid ass.
But going back to the subject of imaginary anniversaries, I hereby decree that December 11 shall henceforth be Sub-Zero’s Birthday (Observed). Also, October 20th is now officially Rex Manning Day.
6. michael jackson video gangsters – That’s sounds a lot like the “Smooth Criminal” segment from Moonwalker, not to mention every level of both Moonwalker video games.
7. hentai show iv warcraft 3 – I don’t know what this means and I have no intention of finding out. Sometimes innocence is bliss.
Well, that’s all for now. Who wants to bet that this week’s article will be late? Recent history and the Vegas bookies are on your side.