Archive for February, 2006
February 28, 2006 – 4:29 PM by Syd Lexia

Well, it’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly segment where I dredge up some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. These keywords usually include a variety of subjects from kara borden nude to hentai to even more hentai. This FWSE report is for the week of February 19th – February 25th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. video game controversary – Is controversary even a word? Come on people, stop giving Jack Thompson ammo. If more gamers could learn to form proper sentences and construct rational arguments as to why violent video games don’t cause violence (and by the way, they don’t), then maybe there’d be a whole lot less controversy. Someone needs to tell all those little fourteen-year-old shitheads out there smoking pot and playing Halo 2 everyday to do their fucking homework every once in a while because they’re going to ruin gaming for the rest of us.

I’m sorry, I meant to say this: LMAO XBOX R0X0RZ!!!! GTA FUCKING PWNZ J00!

2. the world just lost another hulkamaniac – Thousand of people die everyday, so odds are pretty good that at least one Hulkamaniac died today. :cry:

3. worst mortal kombat character – That’s easy: Kurtis Stryker.

4. how can i talk to the people that made nintendo mario – Learn Japanese.

5. super mario bloopers – This one comes up fairly frequently and I usually ignore it. I imagine that somebody out there must have made a gag reel of fake Mario bloopers and I figure that is probably what these people are searching for. So now, for the first time ever, I am finally ready to unveil my favorite Super Mario-related bloopers:

6. what is this stuff about nudalities in mk trilogy – Oh, that. That stuff is total bullshit.

7. best arnie puns – I’m partial to “He had to catch a train.” from Eraser.

February 25, 2006 – 6:11 PM by Syd Lexia

      A new comic is up. It’s dedicated to anyone who has ever worked retail, but especially any of you who have ever worked at a supermarket, especially during winter. Enjoy.

February 23, 2006 – 11:54 PM by Syd Lexia

      It’s a little late in the week but it’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly report where I look at some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of February 12th – February 18th. Also, it’s pretty half-assed.

1. nintendo world class track meet instruction manual – Why the hell would you need it? What’s wrong, you can’t figure out how to run? If you’re really that goddam stupid, try Vimm’s Lair. It’s under “S” for Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt/World Class Track Meet.

2. daughter is fucking a dude – One out of every ten daughters would rather fuck a chick.

3. wrestlemania fucking – Wrestlemania fucking, huh? Yeah right. If they had backstage orgies at Wrestlemania, some jobber would taped it, Dave Meltzer would have reported it, and it would be all over BitTorrent like a hobo on a ham sandwich.

4. pink frog insect back japan – Drugs are bad, mmmkay?

5. irem fucking – I this should have been fucking irem as in “Fucking Irem and their fucking inability to release more than one or two games a year, most of which don’t even get U.S. releases.”

6. how many levels in rampage nintendo – Lots.

7. sugar free vodka – If you want sugar free vodka, here’s a simple solution… DON’T FUCKING ADD RED BULL TO IT! There, now wasn’t that easy?

Yeah, so that sucked. Go read my Super Punch-Out review because that doesn’t.

February 17, 2006 – 11:42 PM by Syd Lexia

      Sorry about the lack of new content, I should have somewhere between one to two articles done sometime Monday or Tuesday. I would have liked to have get something up sooner, but I have a busy weekend ahead of me. This post actually serves no useful purpose to you, the reader. Basically it’s just meant to bump my Valentine’s Day post since V-Day was three days ago. Hey, at least I’m fucking honest about it.

February 14, 2006 – 12:08 AM by Syd Lexia

Alternate #1
Alternate #2

February 13, 2006 – 5:45 PM by Syd Lexia

      Welcome to yet another installment of Fun With Search Engines, the weekly feature where I comment on some of the keywords that visitors to my site put into various search engines. This FWSE report is for the week starting February 5th and ending February 11th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. legend of the hidden temple video game – Even though you failed to pluralize the word “legend”, I am going to assume you are referring to the classic Nickelodeon show Legends of the Hidden Temple. I’ve got some bad news, no such game ever existed. According to GameFAQs, there isn’t a single game that even has both the words “hidden” and “temple” in its title. There were only two Nickelodeon video games from that era: GUTS on the Super Nintendo and Clarissa Darling’s Date Rape Tragedy on the Sega Genesis.

2. eat my shorts nickelodeon – Congratulations, you’ve managed to confuse a tired old Bart Simpson catchphrase with a classic Nickelodeon show.

3. hockey ducktales – You’re probably thinking of Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series, one of the worst cartoons ever to grace the Disney Afternoon.

4. super mario bros. and heathcliff free dvd – Such a thing does exist. It came in specially marked boxes of General Mills cereals at some point in 2004. I have it:

5. when you’re at a party and that thing flies and neck – I agree.

6. what soda has the least caffeine – Gee, how about the ones that say CAFFEINE FREE in big fucking letters right on the bottle? Maybe it’s those ones, you retard.

7. me and mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird, and instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a santa claus suit. he’d been climbing down the chimney on christmas eve. his arm was loaded with presents. he was gonna surprise us. he slipped and broke his neck, died instantly. And that’s how I found out there was no santa claus… – And the award for Longest Fucking Search Term That I’ve Ever Seen goes to the person in seat number Pleae note that no actual prize will be awarded.
That’s it. Here’s a comic.

February 7, 2006 – 12:29 AM by Syd Lexia

      It’s time once again for Fun With Search engines, the recurring site report where you can see some of the keywords that visitors to the site typed into search engines along with some half-assed commentary from me. This FWSE report covers the week starting January 29th and ending February 4th. Enjoy!

1. internet porn passcodes – Ha, nice try. I hate to break this to you, but due to strict international decency regulations, there is no pornographic material available anywhere on the internet. Sorry.

2. you can’t do that on television – How dare you presume to tell me what I can and cannot do on television. Fuck you.

3. murdar machene – This is what happens when my forum members Google themselves. If you join my goddam forums, you too could be featured in Fun With Search Engines.

DISCLAIMER: You won’t be.

4. preteens fucking preteens – I try to ignore this shit, but every time I see it, it makes me fucking angry. The degenerates who search for child pornography need to be held accountable for it. Unfortunately, there’s not much that I can do except try to embarrass them. Below, you’ll find a list of the IPs of all the people who found my site by searching for some variant of “fucking preteens” on February 1st. Why only that one day? Because I’m not a fucking watchdog and this is a pain in the ass to do, that’s why. Anyway, here the IPs of some disgusting human beings who need to be shot:

5. fuck you raiden – So you want to fuck the God of Thunder, huh? Let’s see what he has to say about this…

6. john hughes the best director ever – John Hughes was a pretty good director, but he was not the best. I’ve got two words for you, two words that automatically disqualify him from ever receiving the honor of Best Director Ever: Curly Sue.

7. nude pictures of kara borden – You know, she’s underage and she’s not even newsworthy anymore. If you people don’t stop with this shit, I’ll start publishing your IPs too.

      And so the curtain closes on yet another installment of Fun With Search Engines. If this didn’t manage to hold your interest, you can always check out my latest article. It’s on the classic 1987 Pink Floyd album A Momentary Lapse of Reason and it’s far more interesting than this shit. It’s also much longer.

February 1, 2006 – 12:20 AM by Syd Lexia

      All right, so President Bush has given his 2006 State Of The Union address. Since 2006 is well beyond my area of expertise, I don’t feel it’s necessary for me to offer any sort of analysis of this event. But hey, here’s a comic about it.