Archive for April, 2007
April 28, 2007 – 6:51 AM by Syd Lexia

It’s been over a month, but a new article is up. It’s a review of MAD Magazine No. 292, an issue of the magazine dated January 1990. Also, it has the Super Mario Brothers on the cover.

      Now it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site report where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to the site plugged into various search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of April 15th through April 21st. And so it begins…

1. megaman bosses – Mega Man only had ONE boss, Dr. Light, and he was really more of a father figure than a boss. And while Mega Man did find employment under Dr. Light, I don’t he got paid very well. To be fair though, it’s not like Dr. Light could afford to pay Mega Man. After Dr. Wily stole his original batch of Master Robots and used them to spread untold havoc and destruction, those big fat government subsidies stopped pouring in. Also, Mega Man was a fucking robot; robots don’t need money.

2. dark quiet kid – If you’re looking for a dark, quiet kid, you probably shouldn’t be searching Yahoo; you should be searching MySpace. It’s easy, just do search for “emo”. Here’s a link to get you started.

3. scarface – Are we talking about the classic movie or Tina Fey?

4. is kung lao better than liu kang – Well, Kung Lao never got turned into an evil zombie, so I would probably say yes. Then again, no one ever thought Kung Lao was a big enough threat to their plans that they had to kill him, so maybe not.

5. sebastian ornament mcdonalds – Such an ornament can be found HERE.

6. how to beat mr sandman super macho man and mike tyson on punch out – Punch them.

7. finish him – That’s what I said to the girl in the coat room at that party, because she totally promised me the next blowjob.

8. dress up gams – Gams? Those long smooth things that dames got? What the fuck is this, the 1940s?

9. cleaning gay ass – Oh… gross.

10. candy island jokes – What the fuck is a Candy Island joke. You know what, nevermind; no matter what it is, I’m sure it’s a hell of a lot better than that last search.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

April 20, 2007 – 12:23 PM by Syd Lexia

April 16, 2007 – 6:21 AM by Syd Lexia

      Yes, it’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site feature where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to the site typed into Google and Yahoo. How do I get this information? Easy, I have MAGIC POWERS. Actually, it shows up in the daily site logs that my webhost provides me with. The site logs, however, are definitely magic… or not. Anyway, this FWSE report is for the two week period beginning on April 1st and ending April 14th. Here it comes…

1. camp eat your shorts – I hope you mean Salute Your Shorts.

2. link fucking his zelda – Fucking HIS Zelda, eh? I think I’d rather see him fuck Sabrina The Teenage Witch’s Zelda, just as a change of pace.

3. egg eggplant shirt – Here’s a prototype:

4. friday the 13th nes instruction manual – You can find it within Vimm’s Lair, the best manual site ever.

5. mega man villains – I know a little something about Mega Man villains.

6. something to with girls there hotness – Girls are a lot like cars… it’s all about curves.

7. mcdonalds halloween bucketHere.

8. the best games evere for consoles – As soon as evere becomes a real word, I’ll give you a real answer.

9. dragon humping – Wasn’t that a song by Chumbawumba?

10. hentai – I bet my red hentai would go great with with that egg eggplant shirt:

11. girls are like retarded ducks – That’s not really a valid point, so let’s move on.

12. 3-D password people games that let you shop for item and make your person eat – I know a great 3D game where you can shop for items and eat… it’s called REAL LIFE. There’s no passwords for it though, and since you seem to be failing at it, you’re pretty much fucked.

13. sly cooper nude – There’s something inherently wrong with wanting to see a raccoon’s junk.

14. fucking cousin videos – You know, people tell me that I don’t update my site enough. The reason for the lack of updates is that looking at my site logs has given me a goddam aneurysm.

15. what to do if grandpa is a grump – Send his ass to a nursing home. That, or call Jack Kervorkian; he’ll be outta jail in June.

16. ninjitsu weapons – Can you name all eight magical types of ninjitsu weapons? I can. Hearts, stars, horseshoes! Clovers and blue moons! Pots of gold and rainbows, and the red balloons! Wait… that’s something else.

17. super punchout unlock mike tyson – Don’t look now, but something’s written on your ceiling:

18. who framed roger rabbit – It was Doc Brown. To be fair, Roger had it coming; he tried to steal the flux capacitor.

19. snake plissken costume – Basically all you need is an eyepatch, a limp, and some leather. It also helps if you look EXACTLY like Kurt Russell.

20. erin esurance naked – AHHHHH!

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

April 11, 2007 – 11:12 AM by Syd Lexia

      Thanks to a donated crane, the T-Rex is now standing upright again, held up by wooden splints. And while the orange dino is expected to make a full recovery, I refuse to call off my initial cry for blood vengeance. The T-Rex is a respected local landmark and it’s defacement cannot and will not be taken lightly. We must send a strong message to all past, present, and future vandals: if you act as unruly as a rabid dog, then so shall you die like one. That’s my hardline quote for the news media. Enjoy it, quote it, obey it.

April 9, 2007 – 11:08 AM by Syd Lexia

      Tragedy has struck Massachusetts. On Good Friday, one of the most holy of days in one of the most Catholic of states, a brutal murder occurred. The victim? The orange T-Rex at Route One Miniature Golf and Batting Cages in Saugus:


      For 47 years, the 12 foot dinosaur has been a revered landmark among Massachusetts commuters. That ended sometime Friday night. While others were awaiting the resurrection of Christ, a group of savage vandals were causing the destruction of a beloved piece of Americana. The dinosaur was hit over and over again until the force from the beating caused it to snap off at the legs. This was the scene Monday morning:

      Not much is know about these cunts, aside from the fact that are unloved, male, and have incredibly small penises. They are believed to be inbred as well, but that has not yet been confirmed. Also, they like to suck each other off for fun.

      I for one will not tolerate such vile behavior in my state. Vengeance must be taken, and it must be taken in spectacular fashion. I am a strong believer that the purpose of law is to punish, not to rehabilitate, and that the punishment should fit the crime. In the case of the beloved orange dinosaur, I think Hammurabi’s Code should be invoked, the good old “eye for an eye” treament. The vandals severed the dinosaur’s legs at the ankles, pushed it over, and left it for dead; the same should be done to them.

These bastards seriously need to die. A lot.

April 7, 2007 – 5:00 AM by Syd Lexia

      Today we have reached an exciting landmark in the history of, for today marks the 100th installment of Fun With Search Engines. We probably would have arrived at this milestone sooner if I wasn’t so goddam lazy, but let’s not think about that. Instead, let us move forward and take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines during the week beginning March 25th and ending March 31st. Here they are…

1. peter jennings news – The latest news on Peter Jennings is that he’s still dead. :cry:

2. erin esurance nude – Isn’t it funny how no one ever searches for Pearl Slaghoople nude?

3. terrapin logo how to make drawings – By using a series of commands, procedures, and superprocedures. This is a supremely vague question. Do you fucking know ANYTHING about Terrapin Logo?

4. dragons fucking girls – I imagine that would require a whole lot of lube and even then, the girl would probably still get ripped in half.

5. punch out bad bull – His name is BALD BULL, motherfucker!

Bald Bull had a bit part in the 1988 Arnold Schwarzenegger movie Red Heat.

6. wwe soper stars – You fucking moron, soperstars is one word! Christ, EVERYONE knows that!

7. andrew jackson cartoon – Here’s something I threw together in under three minutes:

8. hot girls with bowed legs – Well…

I like to swimmin’ with bow-legged women and swim between their legs!
Swim between their legs!
Swim between their legs!
Yes, I like to go swimming with bow-legged women and swim between their legs!
Swim between their leeeeeeeeegs!

9. how many jaws games were created for the nes – Just the one.

10. neopets faeries hentai – You know what? Neopets sucks some major ass, so I’d actually kind of enjoy seeing their characters being subverted and perverted.

      This concludes FWSE #100. If you’re lucky, maybe there will eventually be a hundred more. Maybe even TWO HUNDRED more. Nah… I bet I’ll get bored before then.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

April 6, 2007 – 1:31 PM by Syd Lexia