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SydLexia.com – Site News and Random Shit » 2007 » August
Archive for August, 2007
August 23, 2007 – 8:08 AM by Syd Lexia

      It’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site report where I take a look at some of the keywords that brought visitors to my site. This FWSE report is for week of August 12th through August 18th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. how to beat stay puft 2600 ghostbusters secret – You can’t actually defeat the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man; you have to run under him. Also, you shouldn’t need any sort of secret technique to beat him, he’s easy as hell to dodge. And if you think Puffy is hard to dodge in the Atari 2600 version of Ghostbusters, you should probably stay the fuck away from the Commodore 64 version.

2. i fuck arnold – In Soviet Russia, Arnold fucks YOU!

3. camp lazlo hentai – Fuck that. Instead, you get Digimon Hen-Tai:

 
4. rain music video boquet – What’s a boquet? Is it anything like a bouquet?

5. hermioney granger porno imigages – There are three things wrong with this search:

      1. Hermione is spelled wrong.
      2. Images is spelled wrong.
      3. You’re searching for explicit images of fictitious jailbait.

6. old man old woman dog nickelodeon cartoon – I imagine you’re thinking of Courage The Cowardly Dog, which was actually a Cartoon Network show.

7. sabertooth tiger picture – Here:

 
8. cheap jason mask – You mean a HOCKEY MASK? You should be able to get one of those on the cheap without much effort. And if we’re talking about the Friday the 13th Part II version of Jason, potato sacks cost even less.

9. hollywood movies fucking scenes – This isn’t a porn site. You want porn? Go to FleshOfTheStars.com.

10. male and fimal fucking move show – How does one manage to spell male right and then somehow fucking spell female completely wrong? Seriously, I think my brain just exploded. Well, I guess I’m off to the hospital then. Bye.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

August 20, 2007 – 7:01 AM by Syd Lexia

August 16, 2007 – 8:14 AM by Syd Lexia

      Now it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site feature where I take a look at some of the terms that visitors to my site typed into Yahoo, Google, and MSN. This FWSE report is for week of August 5th through August 11th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. boy fucking there grandmother – I am pretty sure the only correct way to punctuate this search is: Boy fucking! There, grandmother! Regardless, it’s still a fucking retarded search. How about you stop looking for underage/overage porn and go fucking kill yourself. If anyone wants the IP on this loser, it’s 68.219.43.86.

2. spider fetish – Go cut yourself like a good little goth.

3. mortal combat pictures that move – I could berate you over your pathetic typo, but I won’t. Here:

 
4. nude pictures hillary clinton fake – I wouldn’t want to see fake nude pictures of Hillary Clinton any more than I’d want to see real ones. Sure, you could paste her face over Teagen Presley’s body, but what’s the point when you could just look at Teagen Presley instead?

5. why did bruce lee die – Because you touch yourself at night.

6. early nes game where you shoot fish – Your mom smells like fish… in her vagina.

7. nickelodeon orange – Congratulations, you have successfully identified the color of the Nickelodeon logo. GOOD JOB!

8. best nes game ever – Final Fantasy VII.

9. aural sex can make you sick – No, aural sex can make you deaf.

10. sydlexia is a big doody – Fuck you, you fucking asshole. I have feelings, you know. There are certain things you just shouldn’t call ever people and “a big doody” is one of those things. Where’s your fucking decency? I hope you choke to death on your dad’s balls, assuming you even know who your father is.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

August 8, 2007 – 10:34 PM by Syd Lexia

Valdronius cordially invites you to relive his favorite Maniac Mansion endings.

August 7, 2007 – 1:55 PM by Syd Lexia

      Behold, it is time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site feature where I take a look at some of the keywords that brought people to my site. This FWSE report is for week of July 29nd through August 4th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. super punch out sucks – I agree, but we seem to be the minority. I actually received death threats over my Super Punch-Out article. Death threats from semi-anonymous internet fucktards with oh-so-scary names like Aaron Simmer and Danny DeAngelis. So watch out… or don’t. These losers don’t have a single set of balls between them, let alone enough balls to actually make good on their threats.

2. top secret sex game – The first rule of top secret sex game is DON’T FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT!

3. bizarre robot fetish – So wait, are there NORMAL robot fetishes?

4. lyrics the gang will reign supreme and no one can deny they’ll make some history – That’s the Heathcliff theme song.

5. hayden panettiereNote to self: KILL STEPHEN COLETTI. A LOT.

 

6. kano transformation – I’ve never seen a Kano Transformation. No, but I know how to do a Raiden Transformation.

7. char aznable half life – Char Aznable is from Gundam, not Half Life, dumbass. Oh wait, maybe you’re referring to the legendary SydLexia.com forum member Char Aznable. His half life is roughly 46.2 years.

8. mortal kombat hentai – Hmmm… I guess that gives FINISH HIM! a whole new meaning.

9. the child’s gives video game damages – I recommend you buy my new book, Hey Buddy, It’s Called Fucking English: Fucking Learn It Or Fucking Die. Coming to bookstores everywhere this October.

10. virginity rocks loving my wife and I haven’t even met her yet t-shirts – Every year, there’s a big gay pride parade in Boston and the local media never fails to give it massive coverage. And every year, I see people in rainbow-colored clothing marching on my television set, and I say to myself, “Holy fuck, that’s the gayest thing I’ve ever seen.” Well, that’s not true anymore. Congratulations, Virginity Rocks t-shirt. You are gayer than guys in cut-off jeans.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

August 2, 2007 – 9:19 AM by Syd Lexia

 

Another new comic is up.

 

August 1, 2007 – 8:12 AM by Syd Lexia

      Now it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site report where I take a look at some of the keywords that brought visitors to my site. This FWSE report is for week of July 22nd through July 28th. As always, these are all real searches. Here we go…

1. the super nintendo game with a little guy fighting house objects – With any luck, it’s Earthbound, because Earthbound is one of the greatest games ever made. This might not be the game you’re thinking of though, because you don’t exactly fight household objects. However, you do fight gas pumps, fire hydrants, guitars, coffee cups, trees, lips, puke, and a host of other oddly mundane enemies. But again, even if Earthbound wasn’t the game you were thinking of, play it, because it’s inevitably better than whatever pile of shit you were actually thinking of.

2. elizabeth hurley raised catholic – Her mother was Anglican and her father was a non-praticing Catholic, so she was probably raised Anglican. This is quite a shame, because if Bedazzled taught us anything, it’s that Elizabeth Hurley makes a damn good Catholic schoolgirl:

 
3. stop motion animation sesame street whale – Could it be THIS?

4. how to do a fatality – Stick a fork in a light socket. FATALITY!

5. sean connery uncredited prince of thieves – Did you really need to look this up? I mean, did you watch the movie and think to yourself, “Gee, that guy who showed up at the end looked exactly like Sean Connery. I’m not sure if it was him though, and I didn’t see his name in the credits.” That sort of thing is forgiveable with some actors, like an Alan Arkin or a Jonathan Pryce, but this is SEAN FUCKING CONNERY that we’re talking about. If you have trouble recognizing Sean Connery, you simply don’t deserve to watch films. End of story.

6. charles in charge t shirt – Never seen one, but I am definitely adding it to the Grand List of Things You Could Buy For Me If You Like The Site.

7. viagra – Well… that’s a new one. If you were looking to buy viagra, too fucking bad; this is a pop culture site, not some goddam online store. But if you’re looking for a highly inaccurate explanation of how viagra works done entirely using 8-bit sprites, then you’re in luck:

 
8. bowser and luigi sex – Gross.

9. shawn wayan naked pictures – Grosser.

10. erin esurance hentai – Fuck this, I’m outta here.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.