August 7, 2007 – 1:55 PM by Syd Lexia

      Behold, it is time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site feature where I take a look at some of the keywords that brought people to my site. This FWSE report is for week of July 29nd through August 4th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. super punch out sucks – I agree, but we seem to be the minority. I actually received death threats over my Super Punch-Out article. Death threats from semi-anonymous internet fucktards with oh-so-scary names like Aaron Simmer and Danny DeAngelis. So watch out… or don’t. These losers don’t have a single set of balls between them, let alone enough balls to actually make good on their threats.

2. top secret sex game – The first rule of top secret sex game is DON’T FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT!

3. bizarre robot fetish – So wait, are there NORMAL robot fetishes?

4. lyrics the gang will reign supreme and no one can deny they’ll make some history – That’s the Heathcliff theme song.

5. hayden panettiereNote to self: KILL STEPHEN COLETTI. A LOT.


6. kano transformation – I’ve never seen a Kano Transformation. No, but I know how to do a Raiden Transformation.

7. char aznable half life – Char Aznable is from Gundam, not Half Life, dumbass. Oh wait, maybe you’re referring to the legendary forum member Char Aznable. His half life is roughly 46.2 years.

8. mortal kombat hentai – Hmmm… I guess that gives FINISH HIM! a whole new meaning.

9. the child’s gives video game damages – I recommend you buy my new book, Hey Buddy, It’s Called Fucking English: Fucking Learn It Or Fucking Die. Coming to bookstores everywhere this October.

10. virginity rocks loving my wife and I haven’t even met her yet t-shirts – Every year, there’s a big gay pride parade in Boston and the local media never fails to give it massive coverage. And every year, I see people in rainbow-colored clothing marching on my television set, and I say to myself, “Holy fuck, that’s the gayest thing I’ve ever seen.” Well, that’s not true anymore. Congratulations, Virginity Rocks t-shirt. You are gayer than guys in cut-off jeans.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

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