Welcome to yet another installment of Fun With Search Engines. For anyone who’s just joining us, Fun With Search Engines is a weekly segment where I discuss some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. Why? Because I think it’s fun. This FWSE report is for the week of November 27th through December 3rd. As always, these are all real search queries. And here we go:
1. don’t fuck the ducktales – That’s sound advice. I wouldn’t fuck the DuckTales. Most of them were guys and those that weren’t were either too young (Webby), too old (Ma Beagle, Mrs. Beakley) or worthless fucking immigrants (Magica De Spell). Oh yeah, AND THEY WERE ALL DUCKS.
2. kara beth borden/naked pictures – Yeah, the whole porn thing isn’t happening. Instead, you get these:
David Ludwig Sucks
David Ludwig Sucks #2
David Ludwig Sucks #3
David Ludwig Sucks #4
I made these a while ago and being the asshole that I am, I posted them on the blogs on David’s MySpace. Unfortunately, one of his jabroni friends took control of the MySpace and changed it completely, so if you want to see Ludwig’s MySpace and his two blogs, you’ll have to find a mirror somewhere.
3. spaces of dragons – After Googling this term myself, I came to an awful realization: this person was looking for species of dragons and had no idea how to spell or pronounce the word. Western society is at a critical low when even D&D nerds can’t fucking spell properly…
4. diet pepsi ingredients – It’s people! Diet Pepsi is PEEEEEEEOPLE! Since you’re too lazy and/or poor to dole out the 89 cents required to buy a 2 liter bottle, here are ingredients of Diet Pepsi: carbonated water, caramel color, aspartame, phosporic acid, potassium benzoate (preserves freshness), caffeine, citric acid, and natural flavors.
5. kristin cavalleri in hot pictures on the internet in the nude – I like how this guy specified that the pictures should be hot. If he hadn’t done that, he might have accidentally found naked pictures of her shaving her legs.
6. freeze don’t make a fucking move man – When you threaten search engines, you demonstrate that some people just don’t deserve internet access. Unless you threaten Jeeves, that snobby prick is just asking for it.
7. construction workers fucking – After a long day of drinking coffee and pretending to do road work, your average construction worker is far too tired to service his wife. You would be too if you spent all day screwing taxpayers.
And that’s the end of that chapter.