It’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly report where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This particularly half-assed FWSE is for the week of August 13th through August 19th. As always, these are all real searches. Enjoy.

1. camp lazlo porn – It wouldn’t be FWSE without a hentai search, now would it?

2. want logo programs having turtle to download in computer – Want learn much good English in school?

3. i want to down load mario bros for free and play it – Just get the GBA cartridge. It’s like ten bucks.

4. pit fighter sucks – Correct.

5. calf fucking cow – UGH.

6. free hardcore fucking movies – No.

7. princess peach hentai from mario – Wrong.

Sorry… I guess I’m feeling rather monosyllabic today. This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

      It’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the (usually) weekly segment where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE is for the week of August 6th through August 12th. As always, these are all real searches. Enjoy.

1. shit public – Fucking in public? Totally cool. Shitting in public? Absolutely nasty.

2. tax holiday – I prefer the regular kind of holiday.

3. bowser genitalia – Good question. A close up of Bowser’s SMB sprite at 100X revealed the following:

 
4. megaman regional changes – I’m too lazy to type up the whole list, but the Mexican version of Mega Man 2 is totally different from the one that people in Canada and the United States played. Instead of fighting Dr. Wily, Mega Man seeks out Quickman, the fastest Master Robot robot in all of Mehico, and together they smuggle illegal robots over the border. Also, Mega Man wore a sombrero.

5. pictures of baraka from mortal kombat – Sorry, I only have pictures of Baracus from the A-Team…

 
6. evil alien fuck games play – I’m not quite sure what that means, but I’m pretty sure it’s stupid and perverted. Oh well, at least it’s not a hentai search.

7. samus aran hentai – Oh, awesome.

Now that I’m thoroughly disgusted, it’s time to end this. This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

      The super mega article that I’ve been promising STILL isn’t done, so instead here’s an article on the Centipede board game to help fill the void. Enjoy.

Fidel Castro, Cuba’s beloved president, turns 80 years old today. SydLexia.com wishes him renewed health, so that he may he live another 80. Castro, pictured above with his close friend Jesus, overthrew Cuba’s corrupt Batista government in 1959 and assumed power. He is the world’s longest reigning head of state and it would pretty awesome if he could extend his winning streak to 50 years.

On behalf of SydLexia.com, I would like to extend heartfelt birthday wishes to Mr. Castro as well as call for an immediate end to the morally unjust embargo that the United States has imposed against Cuba since 1962. Viva la revolución!

      Well, I am still behind on the site. So far behind, in fact, that I totally missed last week’s Fun With Search Engines because I was busy working on other shit. So now it’s time for a special double edition of Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site segment where I review some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE is for the period of time between July 23rd and August 5th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. dr jekyll and mr hyde nes instruction manual – You don’t need the instruction manual for this game; you need to avoid this game at all costs.

2. best christmas movies – It’s a little out of season, but here.

3. 1 800 232 3324 – This was a toll-free number run by LJN that gave out hints for their Who Framed Roger Rabbit? NES game. I don’t know why someone would look this up, but since we’re on the subject of disconnected 800 numbers, does anyone remember 1-800-IFEELOK? That thing was hilarious.

4. preteens fucking – I’ve decided to answer this one in the form of a picture:

 
5. how to win a boy and his blob – Use an apple jellybean.

6. big ass adventure.com – Here’s a question: if you know the name of the third rate porn site that you want to go to, why not just type it into the fucking address bar?

7. hoy guy with clown face – Even given that T is right next Y on the keyboard and this search was probably supposed to be hot guy with clown face, this still makes no fucking sense. Well, I suppose it makes sense, but a clown fetish? That just ain’t right.

8. hard fuck mom vs only son – I think this search is pretty goddam gross, but who am I to judge? Oh yeah, I’m Syd Fucking Lexia, that’s who.

9. kevin spacey dick suck – See above.

10. what does ted turner have up his sleeve – Probably nothing. His TV empire has been part of the Time Warner family for several years now and Ted has a lot less say than he did when he was running the show. In fact, that’s why WCW doesn’t exist anymore. Turner loves wrestling and he was willing to run WCW at a loss because of it. Time Warner did not share in this spirit, so they sold off WCW to the highest bidder. And unfortunately for the wrestling community, that bidder was a cocksucker by the name of Vince McMahon.

11. sissy girly pretty lipstick – As opposed to what? Sissy masculine pretty lipstick? Wait, doesn’t Gerard Way endorse that?

12. mortel combat fatalities – Sigh… This search makes me want to give up on life.

The super mega article I’ve been promising isn’t finished yet, so I’ll try to throw something else together sometime this week for you to read. This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

      I’ve been working on a huge new article, one that’s nowhere near as far along as it needs to be, and I almost forgot about Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site feature where I comment on some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines, as a result. I didn’t, however, so here comes your FWSE report for the week of July 16 – July 22. As always, these are all actual searches…

1. quiz and dragons – A suprising number of people seem to remember Quiz & Dragons. Like take, for instance, ME.

2. redheads that have been molested – Someone should molest Kathy Griffin. And by molest, I mean brutally murder.

3. kara borden myspace – Again with the Kara Borden? You know, the real tragedy of the Ludwig murders is that Kara’s parents would still be alive if only they had listened to this misinformed elderly woman:

 
4. michael jackson sprites – Don’t you remember the commercials from the 80s? Michael Jackson only drinks Pepsis, not Sprites. Oh, and semen. He drinks that too. Or so they say.

5. how to get t world seven new super mario – Well, if you beat World 5 as Mini Mario, you can get TO World 7 in the New Super Mario Bros. game.

6. bodybuilders can’t fight – I don’t know, I seem to remember Lex Luger being WCW World Champion at one point, as well as U.S. Champion on several occasions.

7. guns end roses november rain video – Guns End Roses? Fucking Christ, that’s not even close.

Fuck it, I’m done with this. This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

Every so often, I will use my server space to host pictures that I employ on other sites for my own personal amusement. Then I eventually forget about them, then I accidentally find them months later. Here is one such picture:

That is all.

      I’m bored, but not bored enough to finish a new article. That means it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site feature where I review some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of July 9 – July 15. As always, these are all actual searches. Let’s begin…

1. sheeva sexy pictures – There’s nothing sexy about a muscular female Shokan. She’s still slightly more attractive than Chyna though.

2. whomp em map – Assuming that you mean the level select screen, here:

      However, if you’re looking for actual maps of the game levels, then fuck you. The level design is pretty basic and you shouldn’t need goddam maps to make your way through the game.

3. eternal champions screenshot – Eternal Champions sucks.

4. i hate qix – Me too.

5. rebound sex light feelings – I have no fucking clue what that even means.

6. w axl rose the coolest rocker ever – I swear to God that I didn’t make this one up. I can’t say I disagree though.

7. movie shit injection – Again, I have no fucking clue what that means. Seriously, what makes someone type in something like that? Alcohol? Drugs? Psychosis? More importantly, where can I get me some?

      Well, that’s basically it. And as this entry draws to a close, it’s time once again to drop my new tagline: This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

      A new comic is up. Go read it and stuff. I really should start doing comics more often again…

      And now it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site report where I reveal some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed in Yahoo, Google, and whatever other search engines the kids are using these days. This FWSE report is for the week of July 2 – July 8. As always, these are all actual searches.

1. mike tyson’s super punch out opponents – Sadly, Mike Tyson’s Super Punch-Out does not exist. However, I do remember hearing that the developmental name for the SNES Punch-Out was Rape-A-Thon 5000.

2. david sucks – Oh my god, I totally hate that statue too!

3. naked people in action – Is that the Engrish equivalent of a porn search?

4. bomberman hentai – I know there’s a lot of hentai out there, but I’m fairly certainly that Bomberman hentai doesn’t exist. If it does, internet culture has hit rock bottom.

5. gay sub-zero is in love with scorpion – UGH.

6. roger rabbit toll free number – From the NES game? It’s 1-800-232-3324. I spent hours upon hours looking for a telephone within the game so that I could dial that number. It never occurred to me that it was a real number that I could dial on a real telephone until after it had been disconnected. I used to have a hint book that had the full text of the hints from the hotline, but it was thrown out long ago. So instead, here’s a screenshot of Eddie finding the number:

 
7. Hottest NES female character – What a reatrded search. Who in their right mind would actually rate female NES characters in terms of hotness?

      Well, that’s it for now. I hope to unveil a major article by the end of the month, one that has been in the works for over a year. Until then, I’ll try to throw up some minor distractions to keep you entertained. This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

January 6, 1946 – July 7, 2006

 
      Long before I was Syd Lexia, I took Syd as a nickname of sorts. It was borrowed from Syd Barrett, who was a founding member of one of my all-time favorite bands, Pink Floyd. Syd was originally the band’s primary songwriter and guitarist, but his tragic descent into LSD-induced madness ultimately led to his dismissal from the band. Although the band would find greater success in the post-Barrett era, the psychedelia of early Floyd is still very cool and very much worth listening to. After his departure from the band, Syd spent most of the last 30+ years of his life with his mother and sister in Cambridge, England. He was a notorious recluse, and he refused to speak of his time in Pink Floyd.

It was reported today that Syd passed away on Friday, due to complications from diabetes. He was 60 years old. Rest in peace, you crazy diamond.

      I’m still recovering from my 4th of July, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site segment where I review some of the keywords that visitors to my typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of June 25th – July 1st. As always, these are all actual searches.

1. a boy and his blob trouble in blobonia – The game is actually called A Boy And His Blob: Trouble ON Blobonia. The reason being is that Blobonia is its own planet, not a mystical faraway land or a sovereign nation. Thus, there is trouble *on* it and not *in* it.

2. monster party screenshots – I think I’m pretty good at taking Monster Party screenshots. At the very least, I’m thorough.

3. ninjas from mortal kombat – If there are ninjas in Mortal Kombat, this is the first that I’ve ever heard of it.

4. regalsin – RegalSin is gone forever. Rejoice.

5. awsome titties – You spell about as well as Kurtis Stryker.

6. koosh tennis – As an owner of the Koosh Tennis set, I think I played it maybe once or twice. And now, in a move that may or may not foreshadow my next article, here’s a link to the Spring Cleaning Crapstravanganza.

7. terrapin logo commands – This search demonstrates one of the cardinal rules of the internet: if you write about something, at least one person will find it through Google… or Google Australia as the case may be. What the fuck is the point of Google Australia. Is the Australian English so different from American English that it requires its own Google site independent of Google.com? I think not. But apparently someone does.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

I would like to apologize in advance for this display of rabid jingoism, but it’s the 4th of July, the anniversary of America’s independence from Great Britain. Oh well, you can at least take solace in the fact that my attempt at patriotism is pretty half-assed:

      It’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, where I review some of the keywords that brought visitors to my site. This FWSE report is for the week of June 18th – June 24th. As always, these are all actual searches.

1. double dragon linda spandex – Hey, good thing you included spandex in your search, otherwise you might have gotten information on a completely different Linda from a completely different Double Dragon.

2. gizmo duck – RoboCop was a total fucking rip-off of Gizmo Duck. You know, retroactively.

3. shakespeare – My site is way better than Shakespeare.

4. mortal kombat sheeva porn naked – More arms = more simultaneous handjobs. This search = pathetic.

5. ninja kids taito soundtrack cd – A lot of arcade games had limited release soundtracks, but I’m not entirely sure that Ninja Kids did. It’s not like the music was that great anyway. Other Taito games like Bubble Bobble, New Zealand Story and Darius had way better music. This just goes to show that any given moment, someone is searching for something completely obscure.

6. nes racing cop game – Well, there’s Motor City Patrol, the only game ever released by Matchbox:

 
7. amy fisher – I prefer Amy Phisher. Between that and AOHell, I had like a million AOL accounts. Only not really. I did send my friends fake TOS violations for being “extremely gay” though.

There, now go home.

      Recent events on my forums have inspired me to finally get off my ass and create a new comic. Despite a multitude of evidence to the contrary, one of my forum members insists beyond all rational comprehension that two separate characters from the Mega Man franchise, Zero and Bass, are one in the same. So now this is happening.

In September 2005, I was rather excited about all the buzz surrounding the Nintendo Revolution.
To show my support, I created a graphical signature and began using it on my forums:
 

      When the system’s name was changed to the Wii, I abandoned my signature in disgust in May 2006.
Eventually the new name grew on me and I revived my signature a few weeks later with a new slogan:
 

Now take a look at the cover of the August 2006 issue of Nintendo Power which came in the mail today:
 

Hey look, it’s a clever play on the old Black Power logo. Hmmm, where I have seen that before?
In short, Nintendo should hire me and pay me lots of money to do their PR and ad camapigns.

      Now it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly report I review some of the keywords that visitors to the site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of June 11th – June 17th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. kara borden pictures – Kara Borden became a hugely popular search last Wednesday when it was announced that David Ludwig had accepted a plea bargain and pled guilty to all the charges against him in order to avoid the death penalty. As a result, the number of hits to Kara and David Archive soared. I had forgotten I even made this page, but apparently others did not. The link made its way onto FARK.com and for the next 36 hours, I used up ridiculous amounts of bandwith. Luckily Dreamhost is quite generous with bandwith, so it’s not a problem.

2. super nakio brothers – I hate rom hacks. Oh, how I hate rom hacks. And I hate I-Mockery for exposing me to a rom hack with Big Bird’s giant penis in it.

3. fucked – OK, who the hell types in “fucked” by itself as a search? The answer is someone who was doing a video search on Yahoo! Japan. This is what they found.

4. regalsin – Like Candyman, saying his name gives him power over you. If he could form complete thought, he’d be the most dangerous man on the internet.

5. syd lexia – The site is the #1 result for “syd lexia” on MSN and Google. On Yahoo it is the #2 result behind my MySpace. Conclusion: Yahoo sucks. I don’t normally engage in ego searches, but this gave me an excuse to. And you know what I found? I’m quoted in someone’s signature on GameFAQs. How fucking cool is that?

6. cartoon cat who had a cane and cat friends – Riff Raff. He was from Heathcliff.

7. Magica De Spell fucking – DAMMIT. Is there any cartoon character that internet retards DON’T want to see naked? Oh well, at least it wasn’t a search for Webby or Mrs. Beakley.

      This concludes Fun With Search Engines #72. Now go read a book. Even better, watch a movie based on a book. Better yet, read the novelization of a movie that was based on a book. That, or you could just read my Logo article.

      A new article will be up Monday if you’re lucky, Tuesday if you’re not. You’re probably not lucky.