Archive for the ‘FWSE’ Category
August 31, 2006 – 4:00 PM by Syd Lexia

      I’m bored, so I guess it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly news posting where I comment on some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of August 20th through August 26th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. porn passcodes – Try 1263229987 and see if that works. That’s the password, you’ll need a username too. Try IAMAFUCKINGRETARD, all capital letters, no spaces.

2. kara beth borden – What ever happened to Kara Beth Borden? Wait, why do I care?

3. moira quirk – In his 2006 commencement speech at UNH, keynote speaker Mike O’Malley told that crowd that “life is a lot like the Aggro Crag” and stated to the disappointment of many that he never hooked up with Mo.

4. ’s xanga site – Who’s Xanga site? Kara Borden’s? Kristin Cavallari’s? Satan’s? I need to know!

5. maniac girls fucking babies – Hmmm, let me see if I can come up with a witty and tasteless retort response to this search. OK, got one. I’m not gonna share it though. Instead, why we don’t we take this time to quietly reflect on the problem of child abuse.

6. wwe sucks – WWE sucks pretty bad these days, but you know what doesn’t suck? WWE 24/7. You can watch all sorts of awesome matches from when the WWE was the WWF as well as all sorts of classic WCW stuff. nWo 4 life, motherfucker!

7. how to fuck objects around the house – I wish I were making this up, but I’m not. Someone typed this into Yahoo and fully expected to get detailed instructions on how they could fuck their couch or their PS2 or God knows what else. This quite possibly the most pathetic thing I’ve seen all year. But to be fair, I did skip BloodRayne.

And on that rather disturbing note, I’m done. This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

August 24, 2006 – 4:14 PM by Syd Lexia

      It’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly report where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This particularly half-assed FWSE is for the week of August 13th through August 19th. As always, these are all real searches. Enjoy.

1. camp lazlo porn – It wouldn’t be FWSE without a hentai search, now would it?

2. want logo programs having turtle to download in computer – Want learn much good English in school?

3. i want to down load mario bros for free and play it – Just get the GBA cartridge. It’s like ten bucks.

4. pit fighter sucks – Correct.

5. calf fucking cow – UGH.

6. free hardcore fucking movies – No.

7. princess peach hentai from mario – Wrong.

Sorry… I guess I’m feeling rather monosyllabic today. This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

August 18, 2006 – 7:16 PM by Syd Lexia

      It’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the (usually) weekly segment where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE is for the week of August 6th through August 12th. As always, these are all real searches. Enjoy.

1. shit public – Fucking in public? Totally cool. Shitting in public? Absolutely nasty.

2. tax holiday – I prefer the regular kind of holiday.

3. bowser genitalia – Good question. A close up of Bowser’s SMB sprite at 100X revealed the following:

 
4. megaman regional changes – I’m too lazy to type up the whole list, but the Mexican version of Mega Man 2 is totally different from the one that people in Canada and the United States played. Instead of fighting Dr. Wily, Mega Man seeks out Quickman, the fastest Master Robot robot in all of Mehico, and together they smuggle illegal robots over the border. Also, Mega Man wore a sombrero.

5. pictures of baraka from mortal kombat – Sorry, I only have pictures of Baracus from the A-Team…

 
6. evil alien fuck games play – I’m not quite sure what that means, but I’m pretty sure it’s stupid and perverted. Oh well, at least it’s not a hentai search.

7. samus aran hentai – Oh, awesome.

Now that I’m thoroughly disgusted, it’s time to end this. This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

August 7, 2006 – 8:11 PM by Syd Lexia

      Well, I am still behind on the site. So far behind, in fact, that I totally missed last week’s Fun With Search Engines because I was busy working on other shit. So now it’s time for a special double edition of Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site segment where I review some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE is for the period of time between July 23rd and August 5th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. dr jekyll and mr hyde nes instruction manual – You don’t need the instruction manual for this game; you need to avoid this game at all costs.

2. best christmas movies – It’s a little out of season, but here.

3. 1 800 232 3324 – This was a toll-free number run by LJN that gave out hints for their Who Framed Roger Rabbit? NES game. I don’t know why someone would look this up, but since we’re on the subject of disconnected 800 numbers, does anyone remember 1-800-IFEELOK? That thing was hilarious.

4. preteens fucking – I’ve decided to answer this one in the form of a picture:

 
5. how to win a boy and his blob – Use an apple jellybean.

6. big ass adventure.com – Here’s a question: if you know the name of the third rate porn site that you want to go to, why not just type it into the fucking address bar?

7. hoy guy with clown face – Even given that T is right next Y on the keyboard and this search was probably supposed to be hot guy with clown face, this still makes no fucking sense. Well, I suppose it makes sense, but a clown fetish? That just ain’t right.

8. hard fuck mom vs only son – I think this search is pretty goddam gross, but who am I to judge? Oh yeah, I’m Syd Fucking Lexia, that’s who.

9. kevin spacey dick suck – See above.

10. what does ted turner have up his sleeve – Probably nothing. His TV empire has been part of the Time Warner family for several years now and Ted has a lot less say than he did when he was running the show. In fact, that’s why WCW doesn’t exist anymore. Turner loves wrestling and he was willing to run WCW at a loss because of it. Time Warner did not share in this spirit, so they sold off WCW to the highest bidder. And unfortunately for the wrestling community, that bidder was a cocksucker by the name of Vince McMahon.

11. sissy girly pretty lipstick – As opposed to what? Sissy masculine pretty lipstick? Wait, doesn’t Gerard Way endorse that?

12. mortel combat fatalities – Sigh… This search makes me want to give up on life.

The super mega article I’ve been promising isn’t finished yet, so I’ll try to throw something else together sometime this week for you to read. This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

      I’ve been working on a huge new article, one that’s nowhere near as far along as it needs to be, and I almost forgot about Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site feature where I comment on some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines, as a result. I didn’t, however, so here comes your FWSE report for the week of July 16 – July 22. As always, these are all actual searches…

1. quiz and dragons – A suprising number of people seem to remember Quiz & Dragons. Like take, for instance, ME.

2. redheads that have been molested – Someone should molest Kathy Griffin. And by molest, I mean brutally murder.

3. kara borden myspace – Again with the Kara Borden? You know, the real tragedy of the Ludwig murders is that Kara’s parents would still be alive if only they had listened to this misinformed elderly woman:

 
4. michael jackson sprites – Don’t you remember the commercials from the 80s? Michael Jackson only drinks Pepsis, not Sprites. Oh, and semen. He drinks that too. Or so they say.

5. how to get t world seven new super mario – Well, if you beat World 5 as Mini Mario, you can get TO World 7 in the New Super Mario Bros. game.

6. bodybuilders can’t fight – I don’t know, I seem to remember Lex Luger being WCW World Champion at one point, as well as U.S. Champion on several occasions.

7. guns end roses november rain video – Guns End Roses? Fucking Christ, that’s not even close.

Fuck it, I’m done with this. This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

July 20, 2006 – 11:43 PM by Syd Lexia

      I’m bored, but not bored enough to finish a new article. That means it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site feature where I review some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of July 9 – July 15. As always, these are all actual searches. Let’s begin…

1. sheeva sexy pictures – There’s nothing sexy about a muscular female Shokan. She’s still slightly more attractive than Chyna though.

2. whomp em map – Assuming that you mean the level select screen, here:

If there's a place you wanna go, I'm the one you need to know. I'm the map!

      However, if you’re looking for actual maps of the game levels, then fuck you. The level design is pretty basic and you shouldn’t need goddam maps to make your way through the game.

3. eternal champions screenshot – Eternal Champions sucks.

4. i hate qix – Me too.

5. rebound sex light feelings – I have no fucking clue what that even means.

6. w axl rose the coolest rocker ever – I swear to God that I didn’t make this one up. I can’t say I disagree though.

7. movie shit injection – Again, I have no fucking clue what that means. Seriously, what makes someone type in something like that? Alcohol? Drugs? Psychosis? More importantly, where can I get me some?

      Well, that’s basically it. And as this entry draws to a close, it’s time once again to drop my new tagline: This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

July 14, 2006 – 8:33 PM by Syd Lexia

      And now it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site report where I reveal some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed in Yahoo, Google, and whatever other search engines the kids are using these days. This FWSE report is for the week of July 2 – July 8. As always, these are all actual searches.

1. mike tyson’s super punch out opponents – Sadly, Mike Tyson’s Super Punch-Out does not exist. However, I do remember hearing that the developmental name for the SNES Punch-Out was Rape-A-Thon 5000.

2. david sucks – Oh my god, I totally hate that statue too!

3. naked people in action – Is that the Engrish equivalent of a porn search?

4. bomberman hentai – I know there’s a lot of hentai out there, but I’m fairly certainly that Bomberman hentai doesn’t exist. If it does, internet culture has hit rock bottom.

5. gay sub-zero is in love with scorpion – UGH.

6. roger rabbit toll free number – From the NES game? It’s 1-800-232-3324. I spent hours upon hours looking for a telephone within the game so that I could dial that number. It never occurred to me that it was a real number that I could dial on a real telephone until after it had been disconnected. I used to have a hint book that had the full text of the hints from the hotline, but it was thrown out long ago. So instead, here’s a screenshot of Eddie finding the number:

 
7. Hottest NES female character – What a reatrded search. Who in their right mind would actually rate female NES characters in terms of hotness?

      Well, that’s it for now. I hope to unveil a major article by the end of the month, one that has been in the works for over a year. Until then, I’ll try to throw up some minor distractions to keep you entertained. This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

July 5, 2006 – 11:46 PM by Syd Lexia

      I’m still recovering from my 4th of July, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site segment where I review some of the keywords that visitors to my typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of June 25th – July 1st. As always, these are all actual searches.

1. a boy and his blob trouble in blobonia – The game is actually called A Boy And His Blob: Trouble ON Blobonia. The reason being is that Blobonia is its own planet, not a mystical faraway land or a sovereign nation. Thus, there is trouble *on* it and not *in* it.

2. monster party screenshots – I think I’m pretty good at taking Monster Party screenshots. At the very least, I’m thorough.

3. ninjas from mortal kombat – If there are ninjas in Mortal Kombat, this is the first that I’ve ever heard of it.

4. regalsin – RegalSin is gone forever. Rejoice.

5. awsome titties – You spell about as well as Kurtis Stryker.

6. koosh tennis – As an owner of the Koosh Tennis set, I think I played it maybe once or twice. And now, in a move that may or may not foreshadow my next article, here’s a link to the Spring Cleaning Crapstravanganza.

7. terrapin logo commands – This search demonstrates one of the cardinal rules of the internet: if you write about something, at least one person will find it through Google… or Google Australia as the case may be. What the fuck is the point of Google Australia. Is the Australian English so different from American English that it requires its own Google site independent of Google.com? I think not. But apparently someone does.

This FWSE has ended. Go in peace to love and serve pop culture.

July 1, 2006 – 2:00 PM by Syd Lexia

      It’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, where I review some of the keywords that brought visitors to my site. This FWSE report is for the week of June 18th – June 24th. As always, these are all actual searches.

1. double dragon linda spandex – Hey, good thing you included spandex in your search, otherwise you might have gotten information on a completely different Linda from a completely different Double Dragon. :roll:

2. gizmo duck – RoboCop was a total fucking rip-off of Gizmo Duck. You know, retroactively.

3. shakespeare – My site is way better than Shakespeare.

4. mortal kombat sheeva porn naked – More arms = more simultaneous handjobs. This search = pathetic.

5. ninja kids taito soundtrack cd – A lot of arcade games had limited release soundtracks, but I’m not entirely sure that Ninja Kids did. It’s not like the music was that great anyway. Other Taito games like Bubble Bobble, New Zealand Story and Darius had way better music. This just goes to show that any given moment, someone is searching for something completely obscure.

6. nes racing cop game – Well, there’s Motor City Patrol, the only game ever released by Matchbox:

 
7. amy fisher – I prefer Amy Phisher. Between that and AOHell, I had like a million AOL accounts. Only not really. I did send my friends fake TOS violations for being “extremely gay” though.

There, now go home.

      Now it’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly report I review some of the keywords that visitors to the site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of June 11th – June 17th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. kara borden pictures – Kara Borden became a hugely popular search last Wednesday when it was announced that David Ludwig had accepted a plea bargain and pled guilty to all the charges against him in order to avoid the death penalty. As a result, the number of hits to Kara and David Archive soared. I had forgotten I even made this page, but apparently others did not. The link made its way onto FARK.com and for the next 36 hours, I used up ridiculous amounts of bandwith. Luckily Dreamhost is quite generous with bandwith, so it’s not a problem.

2. super nakio brothers – I hate rom hacks. Oh, how I hate rom hacks. And I hate I-Mockery for exposing me to a rom hack with Big Bird’s giant penis in it.

3. fucked – OK, who the hell types in “fucked” by itself as a search? The answer is someone who was doing a video search on Yahoo! Japan. This is what they found.

4. regalsin – Like Candyman, saying his name gives him power over you. If he could form complete thought, he’d be the most dangerous man on the internet.

5. syd lexia – The site is the #1 result for “syd lexia” on MSN and Google. On Yahoo it is the #2 result behind my MySpace. Conclusion: Yahoo sucks. I don’t normally engage in ego searches, but this gave me an excuse to. And you know what I found? I’m quoted in someone’s signature on GameFAQs. How fucking cool is that?

6. cartoon cat who had a cane and cat friends – Riff Raff. He was from Heathcliff.

7. Magica De Spell fucking – DAMMIT. Is there any cartoon character that internet retards DON’T want to see naked? Oh well, at least it wasn’t a search for Webby or Mrs. Beakley.

      This concludes Fun With Search Engines #72. Now go read a book. Even better, watch a movie based on a book. Better yet, read the novelization of a movie that was based on a book. That, or you could just read my Logo article.

June 12, 2006 – 3:21 PM by Syd Lexia

      Welcome back to Fun With Search Engines, the recurring site feature where I review some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of June 4th – June 10th. As always, these are all actual searches.

1. unblockable porn – I believe I already covered this four months ago in FWSE #53. Oh well, here’s some new unblockable porn:

I swear I have no idea who Amber Lynn is.Or John Leslie.

 
2. bomberman 64 boss – Agreed. Bomberman 64 was pretty fucking boss.

3. clinton cookies – Clinton cookies are great, especially when served with DNC Kool-Aid.

4. can you beat the legend of kage – Why would you want to?

5. sexy cartoon cats – I’ve hired John McLaughlin to respond to this:

 
6. how much should a kid weigh – Less than you do, fatty.

7. time killers arcade gameTime Killers was my second article. I don’t like it as much as some of others, particularly Revolution X, but it’s still pretty good.

FIN.

June 5, 2006 – 7:00 PM by Syd Lexia

      It’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly segment where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week beginning May 28th and ending June 3rd. As always, these are all real searches.

1. retsu rape birdie – As if the hentai searches weren’t gay enough, now I have to deal with yaoi searches. This is fucking fantastic.

2. canadian kids show with lockers and slime – What is You Can’t Do That On Television. I’ll take Potent Potables for $2000, Alex.

3. how the fuck do you beat vega in street fighter 2 – Suck less?

4. mortal combat LP-HK-HP-BLK-HK- – First of all, the games are called Mortal Kombat. Secondly, after a quick search of both parts my Mortal Kombat Fatality Extravaganza as well as Google, Yahoo, and MSN, no such move seems to exist in any Mortal Kombat game. Perhaps it’s a combo of some sort, but it seems to be undocumented. Or perhaps whoever typed it doesn’t know shit about Mortal “Combat”.

5. kristin cavalleri sexy pictures – Here’s one:

Damn, that's hott!

 
6. pop culture +1986 – Dammit, I hate pop culture. And I *especially* hate 1986 pop culture. Hey wait a second, no I don’t.

7. motorcycle noises made with mouth – I wish I was making this up, but someone actually took time out their day to fucking search for motorcycles noises made with mouth. Sigh. And to make matters worse, I’m currently one of the Top 10 results on Yahoo for this dumbass search.

      This concludes Fun With Search Engines #70. Tune in next week when my faith in humanity will sink to new lows as I weed through all the hentai searches in a futile attempt to put together a decent FWSE.

May 29, 2006 – 5:01 PM by Syd Lexia

      I was too lazy to do Fun With Search Engines last week, so now it’s time for a super mega two week edition of FWSE. For anyone as of yet uninitiated, Fun With Search Engines is a weekly site feature where I take a look at some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the period beginning May 14th and ending May 27th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. unblockable porn – The impossible dream. The impossibly retarded dream.

2. dr vink – With a va-va-va….

 
3. kristin cavalleri nude pics – Normally I just deride this search. However, since this is FWSE #69, it’s only appropriate that I do something slightly different… but I won’t. You people with your goddam celebrity porn searches are pathetic. Fuck you.

4. cartoon hentai – This raises an interesting cultural issue: is it still considered hentai if it’s live-action? We may never know. Correction: we may never care.

5. photodump – That’s what came out when I accidentally ate that roll of film. You know, back when people still used cameras that required film.

6. kara borden 2006 – Do I smell a gubernatorial campaign in the works? Or maybe she could replace Rick Santorum in the Senate. Sure she’s too young to legally run, but she’s too young to be doing a lot of other stuff that we already know she’s done.

7. duck attacks – Duck attacks are vicious and can happen at any time. Like now.


AFLAC!

 
8. princess peach fucking luigi pictures – That would never happen because Luigi’s a total scrub.

9. video game female character – This search is from 5/24. If it had come just four days later, the searcher would have stumbled upon my all-new Girls of the NES article. Actually it would have to be more like six days later, since it takes time for search engines to crawl and cache new pages.

10. bumblelion – Rest in peace.

 
11. Fairly Odd Parents porn galleries only on Cartoon Holiday – Gross.

12. you are now watching smb2 bloopers – No I’m not, you liar.

13. drug induced fucking – You, sir, are an awful human being. Die.

14. executing a hadouken – You’re kidding, right? It’s only the most basic fighting game movie EVER. It’s down to forward on the direction pad immediately followed by a punch.

      This concludes Fun With Search Engines #69. Tune in next week when there will almost definitely be a new FWSE. Probably. Maybe. No wait, definitely.

May 20, 2006 – 9:59 PM by Syd Lexia

      It’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the recurring feature where I review some of the keywords that random visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of May 7th – May 13th. Ready? Here we go…

1. vomit – Some people have used the word ‘vomit’ in regards to my site’s color scheme and what it makes them want to do. May they die one thousand deaths.

2. fucking cool – It’s pretty fucking cool that someone found my site by searching for ‘fucking cool’. You may also find it ironic, depending on your opinion of the site.

3. mortal combat fatality screenshot – Oh my god, dude. 1992 has been trying to reach you all week. He told me to tell you that the game is called Mortal Kombat, with a fucking K. He also told me to kick you in the balls, but I think that’s a little extreme.

4. need help solving case 5 on dick tracy for nintendo – No, what you *need* to do is stop playing Dick Tracy… BECAUSE IT SUCKS!

5. slogan monster shoot game – That’s one of my favorite games of all-time. At least it might be if I had any idea what the fuck you were talking about.

6. kristin cavalleri nude – Bring it on.

7. how to euthanize your cat – Let’s see if it’s still funny…

Baseball bats and fire are both cost effective.

      Yeah, I guess it is. And with that stock image, Fun With Search Engines #68 draws to a close. Tune in next week for something or other.

      Welcome once again to Fun With Search Engines, the weekly site report where I review some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of April 30th – May 6th. This is a very special edition of FWSE, because it is dedicated to RegalSin, a somewhat racist and possibly pedophilic member of the SydLexia.com forums. He will probably manage to get himself banned from the site before FWSE #68 comes out, so this is his last hurrah.

1. the mystery of scented mountain by carol howie eldridge – This book is pretty obscure, so I kinda wonder if this search was planted. If it’s not, I sure am glad that I bothered to scan in every fucking page of the book and provide a vulgar commentary on it.

2. andrew jackson cartoon – Actually, Andrew Jackson was a real person.

3. but don’t forget there are many guys like you all over the world – Perhaps, but there’s only one SydLexia.com. And if you didn’t know that, you clearly have no idea how domain names work. And now this:
SydLexia.com: The Quality You Deserve From A Pseudonym That’s Fun To Say!
</cheesy self promotion>

4. kara beth borden nude – I think this search may have been responsible for bringing RegalSin to my forums.

5. peter jennings – That’s a new one and it’s depressing as hell. Peter Jennings was the fucking man.

6. samus aran hentai – Dammit RegalSin, there’s no porn or hentai on my site.

7. kids fucking – RegalSin, will you fucking stop it?

      This concludes Fun With Search Engines #67. Tune in next week when FWSE will almost certainly be more entertaining. In the meantime, why not join the forums and check out some of the monumentally incomprehensible things that RegalSin has posted?

May 5, 2006 – 12:30 PM by Syd Lexia

      Hi there. It’s Cinco de Mayo, so if you like that shit then have a good one. Also, it’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly segment where I look at the some the keywords that visitors to my site typed into various search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of April 23rd through the April 29th. Here it comes…

1. ralston cereals – As I believe I mentioned in my article on Batman Cereal, Chex was the only edible cereal that Ralston ever made. I don’t know why you’d search for information on Ralston cereals, but if you do, my site is currently listed higher on Yahoo than Ralston’s official site.

2. two in the pink one in the stink – That’s fantastic. Is that really the type of audience that I cater to? Hmm, I suppose it is.

3. a series of unfourtunate events – That’s the answer I give when people ask me why the fuck Nintendo’s upcoming console has been renamed the Wii. By answering with a pop culture reference, I am usually able to distract the both of us from the fact that Wii is an incredibly shitty name, if only for a few seconds.

4. magical syd – That sounds like it could have been the title of a Taito platform game. In any case, don’t ever call me Magical Syd because it also sounds gay. This means you, Spanky McCracken.

5. fast show characters – What, like Sonic X or something? Seriously, I have no fucking idea what this means.

6. kristin cavalleri naked pictures – You might as well be searching for the Holy Grail or Santa’s workshop.

7. dragonball had been fuck – I don’t think that’s a complete thought, and I don’t want to see that thought through to any of its logical conclusions, most of which involve Bulma.

Clean out your desk. You’re done here.

April 27, 2006 – 5:33 PM by Syd Lexia

It’s a kinda late in the week but it’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly report where I look at some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for the week of April 16th – April 22nd. Also, it’s beyond half-assed.

1. randy savage – Randy Savage would have made a good porn name; Horny Troglodyte just doesn’t have the same ring. I guess it doesn’t matter though, because Randy Savage fucking rules. Oh yeeeeeeeeeah!

2. schindler’s list trailer – I had completely forgotten about this. There’s nothing quite like dated jokes involving Terri Schiavo’s dad, is there?

3. vomit – Vomit is an anagram for Tim Vo. So if your last name is Vo, don’t name your kid Tim. Alternatively, if your last name is Timm, don’t name your kid Vo. I’m talking to you, Bruce Timm. Names that are anagrams for other words are fucking stupid. That’s why I picked Syd Lexia.

4. related:vimm.net/ – For some reason, I’m one of the top related sites for Vimm’s Lair on Google. Oh well, no complaints here.

5. joe & mac caveman ninja – I know those guys. I love those guys. They fucking rock.

6. fatality for jax in mk3 and cooler stuff – Cooler how? Cooler like clowns? This search seems to be based on the belief that a search engine can somehow think independently and decide what’s cool and what isn’t. Then again, it did find Part II of the Mortal Kombat Fatality Extravangza.

7. how many levels has rolling thunder – 10 levels has Rolling Thunder.

(stop reading here.)

April 17, 2006 – 6:41 PM by Syd Lexia

      It’s time once again for Fun With Search Engines, the weekly report where I reveal some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. Also, I comment on them. This FWSE report is for the week of April 9th – April 15th. Enjoy.

1. xanga hannah lititz pa – Every time I see something involving Lititz, PA, I assume that it has to due with David Ludwig and/or Kara Beth Borden. However, this time it looks like it’s just some boy looking to stalk a girl named Hannah who lives in Lititz. So Hannah, if you’re reading this, be on your guard for psychopaths.

2. grossest naked images – Anything involving fat people, old people, badly damaged rectums, or bodily waste.

3. kara borden myspace – Oh my god, I just mentioned her a minute ago! What ever happened to her? Oh wait, I don’t really care. Well, I care in the sense that I don’t wish any further harm upon her or her family, but I don’t lie awake at night wondering if she’s OK. No, I lie awake at night wondering why the writers of 24 have turned season 5 into a total crapfest and if they’re smoking crack. If they are, they damn well better send some my way.

4. slime – By itself, the word slime could be a reference to many things. There are two things that I closely associate with slime. The first one is the green slime that was dumped on people who said “I don’t know!” on You Can’t Do That On Television. The second one is this:

Dragon Warrior.

 
5. professor utoniumThe Powerpuff Girls was a solid show and Mojo Jojo was fucking badass. I wish PPG was still on, because most of Cartoon Network’s current cartoons suck. I’m looking at you, Codename: Kids Next Door and you, Camp Lazlo.

6. mario and peach porn – You know what? Fine. You hentai-loving bastards can’t be reasoned with, so I give up. I’ll give you some SMB porn. The catch is that I’ve edited out the naughty parts:

OMG TEH PR0N!!!!

 
7. revolution x snes kill last boss – Do not, under ANY circumstances, play the SNES version of Revolution X. You should probably avoid it on the Genesis, Saturn, and PlayStation as well. Stick to the arcade version.

      That’s it for now, check the site later in the week, when there will be *actual* content. Well, unless I fuck around instead. And actually, there’s a pretty strong possibility that might happen.

April 14, 2006 – 9:10 PM by Syd Lexia

      First off, there’s a new article up. This actually isn’t the article that I’ve been working on for the last few weeks, it’s something I threw together to distract you while I finish it. It’s still good though.

Now, it’s on to Fun With Search Engines, the weekly segment where I review some of the keywords that visitors to my site typed into search engines. It’s a little late in the week for Fun With Search Engines, but it’s never too late. This FWSE report is for the week of April 2nd – April 8th. As always, these are all real searches.

1. how the fuck do you use a caulking gun – I feel like there’s some sort of joke I could make involving hot caulk, but the specifics elude me.

2. scorpion animality – Scorpion’s animality in Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 turns him into a scorpion. Oh wait, no it doesn’t, because that would MAKE SENSE. Instead, Scorpions UMK3 animality turns him into a penguin.

3. color bars livejournal – As I’ve said before, IS LOVE color bars suck. But if you’d like to help out the site, use one of my IS MURDER color bars on your MySpace, LiveJournal, or Xanga.

4. female oops – Don’t know, don’t wanna know.

5. michael jackson dangerous explanation – If you really need an explanation as to why some people believe Michael Jackson is dangerous, please crawl back into the bomb shelter that you’ve been living in for the last 15 years. Subsequently, if you really thought I didn’t know that “Dangerous” is the name of a Michael Jackson song, get off my fucking site.

6. volleyball porn – No.

7. 1980s cultural wasteland – Fuck you, the 80s ruled. You want a cultural wasteland, how about 2006?

April 4, 2006 – 9:46 AM by Syd Lexia

      It’s time for Fun With Search Engines, the SydLexia.com site report where I show you some of the keywords that visitors to the site typed into search engines. This FWSE report is for March 26th – April 1st.

1. hulk hogan i am a true american lyrics – Hulk Hogan isn’t a true American. He’s a REAL American.

2. cleo’s leg warmers heathcliff – I can only assume this search is part of some sick fetish that I want no part of.

3. mortal kombat pics of cyrax – Well, here’s one:

 
4. how to beat punch out – In order to beat Punch-Out, you must punch out all of your opponents. The easiest way to do this is to outbox and outfox them. That it to say, you should hit them more times than they hit you. Also, you should dodge their blows and then deliver your own blows. Basically, there will be a whole lot of blowing.

5. nes game where you had to beat the game so you could win a contest – Nintendo Power sponsored several contests where you had to either beat a game or progress a certain distance through it in order to enter. I can only remember two of them, both of which involved Final Fantasy. One of them was a trivia type thing where you needed to find various information such as the name of the dancer in the Coneria and a name on a tombstone in Elfland. The other Final Fantasy contest required you to get a picture of your party fighting the super rare WarMech opponent.

6. how to dance like michael jackson – Practice.

7. hermione granger nude – How about…. NO.

 
That’s it for now. Look for a new article on the main site soon. How soon? Not as soon as I’d like.